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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Guideline change: eating issues

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  • Guideline change: eating issues

    Hey everyone,

    We recently updated our chat guidelines when it comes to talking about eating, food and body image. Previously, we've always had this guideline:

    Originally posted by The Mix
    Eating issues - We promote healthy eating here but not obsessive dieting. Please avoid sharing details about your specific weight, calorie counts. Instead we encourage you to focus on your feelings.
    With this previous guideline, talking fairly in-depth about things like 'binging', 'purging' or other behaviours have been allowed during group chats as they weren't really covered under this guideline. However, we know that mentions of methods and behaviours can be quite triggering and make people feel uncomfortable, and ultimately take the focus away from what's important - the feelings and emotions behind them.

    What's changed about this guideline?

    In the interests of keeping the room as safe, comfortable and supportive for everyone as possible, we added this blue bit:

    Originally posted by The Mix
    Eating issues - We promote healthy eating here but not obsessive dieting. Please avoid sharing details about your specific weight, calorie counts or any behaviours (such as what or how much you've been eating or drinking). Instead we encourage you to focus on your feelings.
    Our stance on eating issues has shifted slightly to be more in line with our stance on self-harm - focusing on feelings rather than methods or behaviours. All this means is avoiding overly-descriptive language, as well as the usual stuff like like calorie counts, weights, etc.

    Hopefully that makes sense, but do post below with any comments or questions.

    Mike, Aife & James
    We're Aife & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
    If you have any questions about this place, feel free to
    ask over in the
    Help Desk or send us a private message.

  • #2
    thank you for changing this

    Comment


    • #3
      That makes sense, thank you for changing it!
      "Truely independent person who doesn't do quotes, just dates".. (29.04.17)

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you for changing it.
        Cause both behaviours can be seen as a self harm method anyway
        I dont expect anything - to just end up disappointed. But i do not have zero hope for the future cause that has only dragged me down & brung negativity. I will just not predict the future

        Comment


        • #5
          This guidline is actually alot harder than it sounds to follow and dont agree with it.

          And im a bit confused, is this saying we cant use the words "binging" & "purging" at all? Or?


          Cause if so they are very vague words. Someomes meaning of "binge eating" could mean eating one peice of chocolate too many and someone elses meaning could be eating everything they can find until they feel sick. And there are different forms of purging. Saying purging or binging arent very descrivtive and personally i dont find them triggering unless its gone into more detail. Like reading things like "i spent all day binge eating til i couldnt breath" is something thats quite triggering and descpitive but saying "was binge eating" personally isnt. But this guidline is saying we cant even say that?

          And for me its hard to say what i want without saying why i feel the way i feel. And never know what to say cause food and weight is all i can think about.

          An eating disorder can be a very isolating lonely thing. Cause those methods are done secretly and being able to share it on a very vague level to others - makes me feel less alone. And hate being completly consumed by isolation by having to aviod the whole topic all together. Its rather lonely. And hard to expand on how you feel if cant say why. Not saying im not going to follow this rule, ill try but its hard to follow when i see no point in it.

          But thats just my opinion
          Last edited by Shaunie; 28-09-2017, 02:35 PM.
          I dont expect anything - to just end up disappointed. But i do not have zero hope for the future cause that has only dragged me down & brung negativity. I will just not predict the future

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey Shaunie,

            Appreciate you taking the time to write this - it's good to hear your thoughts.

            We're not censoring the words 'binge' and 'purge' as such, and of course everyone can still discuss disordered eating, but context is of utmost importance. The emphasis just needs to be on feelings.

            So saying something like "I've binged and purged 4 times today" wouldn't really be okay, because it's behaviour-focused, not too constructive and unnecessarily descriptive. Whereas something like "I've been really struggling with urges to binge recently" would be fine, because you're not describing physical behaviour in a way that is likely to feel spiky for others. All the info other members need to help support you is there, but there's less room for potential triggers.

            Does that make sense? We're keen to allow you the space you need to express yourselves in a constructive way so you don't need to feel isolated, while also avoiding any trigger hot-spots. One-to-one chats are better for going into more detail if that's something you find therapeutic - which is of course up to you.

            Mike

            PS: At some point during the next few days, we'll be sharing the feedback we got from you guys about the chat guidelines. That should be a good chance to have a broader look at the guidelines and have some more conversations about them (what is/isn't okay, what everyone thinks, etc). Do look out for that thread.
            We're Aife & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
            If you have any questions about this place, feel free to
            ask over in the
            Help Desk or send us a private message.

            Comment


            • #7
              That makes sense. Thanks for clarifying. Maybe just me but this

              Originally posted by The Mix View Post

              With this previous guideline, mentioning things like 'binging', 'purging' or other behaviours have been allowed during group chats as they weren't really covered under this guideline. However, we know that mentions of methods and behaviours can be quite triggering and make people feel uncomfortable
              Has had me confused for a good few weeks cause it sounds like the words youve quoted, on top of other things, cant be mentioned too. Like you said those words have been allowed then like now they cant. But probably just how i read it
              Last edited by Shaunie; 29-09-2017, 02:34 PM.
              I dont expect anything - to just end up disappointed. But i do not have zero hope for the future cause that has only dragged me down & brung negativity. I will just not predict the future

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Shaunie View Post
                That makes sense. Thanks for clarifying. Maybe just me but this



                Has had me confused for a good few weeks cause it sounds like the words youve quoted on top of other things, cant be mentioned too. Like you said those words have been allowed then like now they cant. But probably just how i read it
                This is actually a fair shout and I can see what you mean. I don't think it's just you - that wasn't worded in the best way! I've tweaked the original post now, which should read a little better.

                Mike
                We're Aife & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
                If you have any questions about this place, feel free to
                ask over in the
                Help Desk or send us a private message.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey folks,

                  So, in the ongoing quest to make our chat guidelines as clear and as easy to follow as possible, we've made another revision to the one around eating. See below for the latest version. The purple bits are most recently added, and the blue bits were added when you guys gave us your feedback a couple of weeks ago.

                  Originally posted by The Mix
                  Eating issues - We promote healthy eating here but not obsessive dieting. It’s okay to respectfully tell people what you struggle with (e.g. “I struggle with binge-eating”), but please avoid sharing specifics about your weight, calorie counts or details of any behaviours (such as what or how much you've been eating or drinking). Instead we encourage you to focus on your feelings, using broad terms to describe things if you need to.
                  Any questions on the above, just comment below or drop us a PM.

                  Mike
                  We're Aife & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
                  If you have any questions about this place, feel free to
                  ask over in the
                  Help Desk or send us a private message.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    This makes sense.

                    Comment

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