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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

Hey everyone!

On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


Come along and join us! Find out more here
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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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Drinking out of control

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  • Drinking out of control

    Hello, so i have been drink binging to deal with my emotions and domestic abuse. Tomorrow i see my alcohol worker, im scared but wont let anyone belittle my issues, im at the point where im afraid i will just speak my mind.. to my alcohol worker, to anyone.. im sick of judgements. Ive drunk everyday for the past 2 years except hospital admissions.. ive drunk 2 bottles of 10.5% of wine tonight and im just tipsy.. im afraid my alcohol issues will get worse.

  • #2
    Hello Kayden,

    I am so sorry to hear that you are still struggling with alcohol; you sound very stressed about your health and you are worried that your drinking problem will only get worse and that you are scared about getting judged in regards to the issue, is that right? - the underlying problem of domestic abuse seems to be causing you a lot of distress and it seems like you have turned to alcohol which acts like a coping mechanism.

    I would advise you to speak openly and honestly to your alcohol worker because at the end of the day, that person is there to help you. Have you spoken to anyone about how much the domestic abuse is effecting you?, tried anything in the past which helped, even if it's just a little?

    Hope things start looking up soon.
    Jessica People

    Just someone changing to who they really are. Jessica, now Jacob, been a big step but im sure it will be an exciting journey.

    Comment


    • #3
      You're not alone with that experience. As a part of my work, i speak with recovered drug addicts, former alcoholics are amongst the group I work with on community projects...and they have seen (and one experienced) similar- what i'm saying is don't worry, your alcohol worker has likely seen your sitatuation before (a LOT of cases of drug abuse are related to domestic abuse in one way or another). They should be trained to deal with a case like this, so don't hold it in- you should be as truthful with them as you can!

      And you're afraid your issues will get worse right? That just shows you don't want to drink as much, and a little willpower goes a long way in recovery!
      Why didn't you just shout i'm lonely and i'm looking for a place to go ~ Where everything's an embrace and everybody wants to know

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi both, thanks for replying.

        I have now given up because i saw my alcohol worker today and her boss was in the meeting with us to tell me that their service will no longer be supporting me because i need more help with housing and mental health mostly.. so there we fucking are! Im left with nobody to turn to now and no suplort. Fucking great!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi KaydenK,

          That must be incredibly frustrating to feel like so many people are letting you down. I know it is hard, but I really encourage you to practice self-care in any way you feel like you can manage right now. It sounds like you know your drinking is an issue and in the long run you want it to stop, so maybe you can challenge yourself to refrain from buying more alcohol? In terms of your housing, you mentioned on another thread that you had a meeting with your housing adviser yesterday. How did that go? If you are looking for another option for housing, you might consider contacting Centrepoint (https://centrepoint.org.uk/what-we-do/housing/) if you haven't already. Their organisation works with young people in difficult housing situations, and they could be of some help to you.

          Wishing you the best and sending you positive thoughts!

          Comment


          • #6
            You should go on the therapy and work on this. Drinking is caused by your emotions...

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi everyone sorry i havent posted in a while.. my drinking is out of control, i drink 5 cans everynight and its increasing. I tried not to drink but i just cant stop thinking about it. My support workers dont know. I just feel nice and numb when i drink, it takes things away.. but i can see im getting too used to it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey KaydenK,

                It's nice to hear from you again! I've read what you wrote on the other thread too and just want you to know that you're incredibly brave, and as Mike said, you're a valued member of this community! It sounds like you're going through a really tough time at the moment which may be why the drinking has increased. Often people use substances such as alcohol as a coping mechanism, and as I'm sure you know it can be dangerous. However, it's always good that you talk about these things because then we can offer you the support! Have you checked out this article? http://www.themix.org.uk/drink-and-d...tion-9708.html

                Here is a link for some support particularly for the alcohol abuse:
                - https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/

                Hope you have a great day and hope to hear from you soon!
                Drea

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Drea,

                  Thanks for those kind words. Thank you for the links too i will have a look. I just need alcohol to forget and feel numb again. Soo many worries. So many things going on. Not been on my anti psychotic meds. Loaing the plot. Alcohol takes it away.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Heya Kayden, how are you getting on?
                    Taking care of yourself takes care of more than just yourself.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hey Mike, not that great regarding alcohol usage. Im up to 6 cans of cider a night now. Cant seem to stop myself.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hey Kayden,

                        Just checking in with how you're doing? Hope it's all going a bit better.

                        Speak soon,
                        Drea

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by KaydenK View Post
                          Hi everyone sorry i havent posted in a while.. my drinking is out of control, i drink 5 cans everynight and its increasing. I tried not to drink but i just cant stop thinking about spel it. My support workers dont know. I just feel nice and numb when i drink, it takes things away.. but i can see im getting too used to it.

                          Hey Kayden how is it going? Even though you don't want to you should share this with your support workers! I know you are sick of judgments but maybe they can help you?


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by KaydenK View Post
                            Hello, so i have been drink binging to deal with my emotions and domestic abuse. Tomorrow i see my alcohol worker, im scared but wont let anyone belittle my issues, im at the point where im afraid i will just speak my mind.. to my alcohol worker, Tandlškare Uppsala to anyone.. im sick of judgements. Ive drunk everyday for the past 2 years except hospital admissions.. ive drunk 2 bottles of 10.5% of wine tonight and im just tipsy.. im afraid my alcohol issues will get worse.

                            Sorry for the double post but just wanted to check up again! How are you doing?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by KaydenK View Post
                              Hello, so i have been drink binging to deal with my emotions and domestic abuse. Tomorrow i see my alcohol worker, im scared but wont let anyone belittle my issues, im at the point where im afraid i will just speak my mind.. to my alcohol worker, Tandlškare Uppsala to anyone.. im sick of judgements. Ive drunk everyday for the past 2 years except hospital admissions.. ive drunk 2 bottles of 10.5% of wine tonight and im just tipsy.. im afraid my alcohol issues will get worse.

                              Sorry for the double post but just wanted to check up again! How are you doing?

                              Comment

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