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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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LGBTQ+ Coming Out Stories. What is yours?

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  • LGBTQ+ Coming Out Stories. What is yours?

    Hi all!

    ​In the LGBTQ+ community our 'coming out' stories are all so varied. Whilst some of us have it easy, other people can find it difficult to find the support from the people closest to them. I'd be interested in hearing about your own experiences and to see what advice we can all offer one another.

    ​If you are still yet to come out about your sexuality, what are your worries? Post them below so we can help out!

    This thread was inspired by the video in the link posted below, take a look and let me know your thoughts!

    “The most important thing is that you can love somebody, it doesn’t matter who they are, whether it’s a boy or girl, love is love - something that is enriching.”

    ​-SunshineSoul

  • #2
    "Hi everyone

    ​This is a great topic SunshineSoul, and that is so true - Love is Love.

    So I think the main worry when 'coming out' is acceptance, right?
    ​How people will react, what they might think of you, how things might change. I thing the big thing to remember here is:
    "Those who matter, don't mind. And those who mind, don't matter."

    ​Because you're the same person you have always been - you are just embracing and freeing yourself. And those who love you should want you to be happy no matter who you are with. And when you do show the world who you are, so many people will love and embrace you within the LGBTQ+ community. You'll meet so many new people - from places like online, gay friendly hang-out spots or at events. And these people will become a whole other family for you.

    ​​Even if you are unsure of some aspects of your identity, remember it's also ok not to be in a box or be labelled. You don't have to explain yourself to people, if that's not what you want - and this is completely ok! - but it can also be such a liberating thing to do in your life. It can open you up to new things and help you to truly love yourself.

    ​Realising these things about yourself can be so confusing and you can feel all kinds of pressure. But we're all on this journey of life, figuring out who we are and what makes us happy.
    Embrace this. This is an exciting thing! Love is an exciting thing! And realising what makes you happy is great. Explore these things.
    I suggest exploring the LGBTQ+ community. Not only to see how different people are but also how coming out can change things for the better.

    Being part of the LGBTQ+ community makes you part of this whole change in the world. Bringing everyone together to fight for acceptance and equality.
    ​Start with things like reading about Activists and Celebrities who are thriving in life. And your local/surrounding communities to see if you can reach out to others in the same position. Some places offer mentoring and events that you can join in on.

    Becoming confident and comfortable in yourself is really important before you come out. Make sure you are ready to do this no matter what your age or where you are in life. And no matter when this is, don't worry - Everyone is different!
    ​There's no set time to come out - the time is when YOU​ are ready.

    ​And even then, you don't have to tell everyone that you come into contact with if you don't want to, take it slowly. It's whatever feels right for you. For some, just telling their close friends and family is enough. For others, wearing rainbow coloured everything and LGBTQ+ slogans feels right. It's however you want to be.

    ​And although the world isn't completely there yet - we are in the year 2017 and things are a lot different than they used to be. Just like the video that SunshineSoul posted above!
    You'd be surprised how many people are open and don't bat an eyelid when you reveal things about your sexuality, gender or identity. And sometimes, people are just not as used to or knowledgeable as others and just need a little more information and awareness.

    ​But what does everyone else think? What are some of your stories or worries?

    -PositiveAura

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    • #3
      Hello! Sorry if this offends people, these are just my thoughts. I know LGBT+ people who have pretty much the opposite viewpoint.

      For me, I just am [still] uncomfortable saying it, and I've met people who seem to think the same. Perhaps it's because when I was younger there were still mainsteam stereotypes of gay people, men especially. It seemed like every openly gay person back then was "obviously gay". To some extent I think this kind of thing still exists - being gay is seemingly a focus in journalism, and it's more of a surprise if they aren't camp.

      I just don't want to be placed in a box, or get special treatment. I don't want people to be like "Well of course you like Beyonce" (she's alright lol), or people to be silently surprised when they find out I like rap. I'm personally much more comfortable just saying that I find Nile Wilson (one of many examples) bloody attractive.

      The way I let my friends know is by just saying who I'm into/with/was with, if it's appropriate. It seems to me to be more on-topic? Besides, I find it fun that way. We can then talk about the other guy - there are no awkward silences (which I'm also afraid of haha). I haven't talked to my family about it. Maybe if/when I get in a solid relationship I'll introduce the other-half to my parents.

      Maybe I'm insecure (probably), maybe I just treat it as such a minor part of my identity that I don't see it as important. Some of my friends have suggested that I should embrace it and tell everyone. I'd be interested to hear others' opinions on this.

      ~Kaze

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      • #4
        hello. i've not come out to many people yet because i've been so worried. and i feel like it might be less worried if i talk about it. v( ‘.’ )v

        my biggest worry is that people won't accept me for who i am. like i'm super scared that if i tell people that i'm pansexual, they'll tell me i'm either making it up or saying it for attention. most people these days are pretty cool with gay people and lesbians (at least where i live)- but not other less-known sexualties. often if you try and talk about some of the less known ones, like pansexual and bisexual, people will say things like "oh she's just making that up to stand out" or "she's just a special little snowflake who spends too much time on tumblr" (and yes i have heard both of these things said to me before ◕︵◕). what i feel is real, and i know i am pansexual. i would never tell someone else what they feel is wrong, or try to invalidate them. so why do they get to invalidate me? (also i'm sick of people saying "you're only 14, how do you know for sure?" but when i spin the question back on them they get really mad at me.)

        I have come out to a few people, and most of them have been pretty cool about it ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿. (but then they are all my friends, and they are pretty cool and relaxed about this kind of stuff tbh) i'm just scared about coming out to my parents. idk if any of this makes sense tbh. but it felt good to write it down.

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        • #5
          Hi starrygalaxysky

          ​I am glad that posting your thoughts on this discussion made you feel better about your current situation. Even posting here on The Mix is a great step in the direction of coming out to other people, but remember there is no pressure to come out until you are absolutely ready to do so and you don't have to 'come out' at all if it's not something you wish to do.

          I understand how you feel about getting acceptance from others. The desire to feel 'valid' can be one of the strongest forces in our human psychology. Everyone has the inherent desire to feel safe and secure, and our human behaviour revolves around the need to garner that sense of physical and emotional security. On a deep emotional level, feeling approved of makes us feel secure with ourself as a person. There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are. From your response am I right to assume that you are feeling comfortable in your sexuality? I always believe that when you are confident in who you are as a person, it leaves marginal space for others to criticise you. So keep doing you, if you feel that others are invalidating you then that's their issue, you continue to be the lovely person that accepts the wide spectrum of human emotion!

          ​It's great to hear that you have a support system, you also mentioned the site tumblr, which is great and can introduce you to a community that you can identify with that you may not be able to find in the 'real world' close to home. I suggest to continue seeking support and reading stories from other members of the LGBTQ+ community in regards to coming out and see if you can take anything on board.

          In my own experience of coming out, I told my parents when I was in a committed relationship and I felt that I wanted to share that part of my life with them. Although my mother was extremely accepting, it took my father a little bit longer to come to terms with this part of me. Sometimes it can be difficult to gauge their reaction so you could always bring up topics of discussion around LGBTQ+ if you think this wouldn't be too obvious to get their opinions on certain matters. For example Donald Trump's banning of Transgendered people serving in the military or India's Supreme Courts affirming basic human rights for gay people.

          ​A great source of recent news regarding the LGBTQ+ community can be found here.

          ​Also always remember when there is a difference in opinion on matters it leaves room for debate and educating others from a different point of view. If you come across people that hold a particular view around pansexuality or they don't know anything about it - educate them, let them know your point of view. We can always learn from looking at things from other people's perspectives.

          ​- Sunny

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Kaze , sorry for the rather late reply but I wanted to get back to you on the reply you shared.

            ​I completely see where you are coming with when you say about stereotypes in the LGBTQI+ community. I don't think that this can be avoided if I'm honest. There are so many people that will put you in a box no matter what your gender or sexuality. I think it is how society tries to control itself, by putting everyone in boxes so that it tries to keep some kind of order. Obviously I think this is ridiculous but it is how it is I guess. So that's why people use terms like 'butch' or 'femme' etc. Though I personally ignore all of that and be whoever I feel on that day. Don't let this put you off - just be you!

            I think that's maybe what your friends are saying - embrace yourself. There is no pressure to do this and you can be as open as you want but I think this is what they mean - just be you.

            ​Some days I'll be in my workout gear and joggers. Other times I'll be in a shirt, and then a dress on occasion! Depending on when you see me, you could make all kinds of assumptions, but so long as I am happy in how I am on that day, whatever anybody else thinks is irrelevant.

            ​Also, it doesn't matter if I'm gay just as much as it doesn't matter what I'm wearing or what music I like. (Because Beyoncé is definitely on my MP3 player but so is rap, chillstep and rock!)

            ​When I came out, I actually spent a year very isolated and pretty much learnt everything I could about being gay. (I was taking English Literature at this time so lots of novels haha!) And then I came out to my parents when I felt the most like myself and I started seeing someone. Though it wouldn't have mattered being on my own, I thought that this way, they would know that I was certain about my sexuality. So I think that if this is what you'd be comfortable with, you could wait until then. You never know, it might end up coming up in conversation anyway and not be a big deal at all. Like you say, just talking about people you have been with or have liked. The 'celebrity crush' subject is always a good way of it coming up!

            I can understand you saying that it is a minor part of your identify, and perhaps someday we won't have to 'come out'. Just like straight people don't have to say 'hey, guys, I'm straight!' Because all it is really is who we like spending our time with, right? Why does it matter?
            Butttttttt, that being said, the LGBTQI+ community is so big and so beautiful and so open. Embracing that part of your life and getting involved in it can open a whole new world. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of discrimination and problems so it can really open your eyes to gay rights and equality. There are so many events and prides and parades all over the world which yes, can be a tad overwhelming but it all is just celebrating being yourself and loving whoever you like.

            -PositiveAura

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi starrygalaxysky

              ​I think you've had a great response from SunshineSoul and I completely agree with all that Sunny has said, but I wanted to give you another reply and show you that you aren't alone in how you feel. It definitely helps to talk about things and the more people that share their experiences, the more it clears our head.

              ​Like Sunny mentioned, even though we seek acceptance from people around us, the most important person that matters is ourselves. In my reply above I said that I took a year searching and exploring what being 'gay' meant to me. How that impacted my life, how it would change and how it would change me. It turned out in the end that the answer was 'not much!' but it allowed me to explore myself and become comfortable enough to tell others. I began seeing somebody which opened the doors to tell my friends/parents and this is what made me more confident that they would know I was serious about my sexuality. Another way is to talk about 'celebrity crushes' or people that you might like. Dropping things like that into conversation let's people know subtly who you are interested in.

              ​You don't even have to publicly 'come out' at all. Heterosexual people don't, so this doesn't mean you have to either. It is entirely up to you. But I chose to personally because it is a great feeling when you embrace yourself and become a part of the LGBTQI+ community. Here you will find so many people that will become friends and family and embrace you for who you are. You mentioned that you are online too - so I can imagine that you already know there are a lot of LGBTQI+ people out there all over the world that you can connect with. Do you know anyone else who identifies as pansexual? If not, that's ok, there are plenty of people out there that you will meet eventually as you grow up.

              ​I understand your thoughts on some sexualities being discriminated against sometimes, for example being pansexual/bisexual/asexual. I think this is due to less knowledge but at the end of the day, love is love and it's the person that matters. By connecting with others either in person or on places like Tumblr and sharing your story, you are educating others about something that they may not know about. So as you grow up, more people will understand and you won't have to explain your sexuality or how you feel.

              ​Really, it doesn't matter whether others believe you or not because you will go on to meet so many people and have all kinds of relationships throughout your life. And what others say won't effect these relationships or your sexuality. Just keep being you and embrace yourself.

              ​Then when you are ready, you can approach your parents in any of the ways that have been mentioned. Sunny made a great point about finding out what their reaction might be. So either dropping current events or certain celebrities into conversation and see what they say. You could say you've been reading an article on LGBTQI+ rights or even ask them what they think of Ellen DeGeneres!

              ​If you decide that you do want to 'come out' here's a link of tips from The Mix:
              http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-rel...41.html​
              And some LGBT coming out stories to inspire us all too:
              http://www.themix.org.uk/your-voices/campaigns/my-lgbt-story

              Hope this makes you feel better about your thoughts and feelings.


              ​-PositiveAura

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