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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

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On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
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I imagine people and talk to them continuously - do I have a mental illness?

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  • I imagine people and talk to them continuously - do I have a mental illness?

    I don't know when it first started but for as long as I can remember I have talked to people "inside my head", so to speak. When I was in elementary school I would often imagine people I liked, maybe boys I had crushes on etc. Whenever I was alone home or just wherever I would imagine them being with me and had conversations with them. As I grew older the people I would imagine often changed, and so did the circumstances. I would talk out loud, maybe a loud whisper when I talked to Them.

    When I was in middle school I started imagining idols and people I looked up to or just thought that had really fun personalities. The people I talked with didn't even know I existed but in the situations I created we were often best friends or living together etc. I'm now 17 and I still do this, but lately I have been more and more aware of it. Another thing that worries me is that my thoughts tend to get mixed with reality and well - Them. They are with me constantly, even when I talk out loud to communicate with them or not. Even when I'm watching netflix or youtube or whatever and not really focusing on anything else - for me they're still there, reading a book or maybe watching with me.

    If I'm having a conversation with someone (that actually exist) I sometimes blurt out something weird that has nothing to do with the context of the conversation we're having at all. For example - some time ago I was on a cabin trip with my (now ex) boyfriend, and we were under the covers of a bed talking about how hot the room was. And as he commented the heat I simply answered "But shouldn't it be cold in LA by now?". I live in Norway and have never had anything to do with LA whatsoever. I said this without even thinking cause in my mind I was currently on a trip to LA with the people I usually tend to imagine - this was how I imagined the whole cabin trip.

    Normally people just brush it off and laugh or give me weird grimaces whenever this happens, cause I'm known to be quite the clumsy, outgoing person. When this first happened I didn't give it much thought, but now it kind of worries me. The situations I imagine now are often played out in the future, or at least a different now. I'm good friends with this group of idols I keep imagining since April now, and since I'm known to a certain degree, I'm often at interviews making people laugh etc. It sounds really weird and I tend not to think too much about the situations when I'm aware.

    Personally I don't think it's unhealthy or whatever, I love communicating with them and being with them makes me happy. If anything, I'm quite happy about it, considering I'm always looking forward to being with them and so on. I'm not antisocial or anything, and have too many friends for my own good, so it's not influencing my social life. If I'm invited to a party or a cabin trip or whatever, I always imagine it being them who invited me and that's what I'll be looking forward to too.

    I don't really consult anyone at all about my personal issues or well, anything. In all my (soon) 17 years of life I have only opened up this last month. I talked to two of my friends about two different issues. One being my childhood and the other one this issue about the people in my head. The friend I consulted about the people and the situations I imagine said I should go see someone just in case this was something unhealthy which should be dealt with. She knows about my childhood, and said that it might have something to do with that. I am unsure if this has anything to do with my "issue" or not, but I'll explain it just in case. When I was younger I used to get beaten and scolded a lot by my parents. As i grew older the abuse would decrease. Recently my parents divorced and now I only live with my mother. We have a really good relationship and I'm happy. I'm often left alone a lot at home, though. My mom is often at work or with her boyfriend, and my older sister usually stays at her boyfriend's apartment.

    When it comes to my mental health I'm usually happy but have periods where I'm seriously depressed. I've been diagnosed with winter depression so it's often that time of the year its worst.

    So I guess that was the most of it. I could consult a psychiatrist in my city but I'm just so unsure if I need to or not. So if you have any knowledge or experience about this or something similar, maybe even just some advice - please help me!
    Last edited by Geiteu; 25-09-2017, 02:21 PM.

  • #2
    Hi Geiteu,

    It's good to hear from you, I hope you're having a good day.

    I would like to preface all of this by saying I am not a psychologist so I can't offer you any formal advice on your mental health but I know that it can help to talk it through with someone so I'm going to try to respond to your question as best as possible.

    Firstly, I would recommend seeing a doctor/psychiatrist. I'm not saying there is definitely an issue but if you feel confused and that's making you anxious or unhappy in any way then it's always best to have a chat with someone just help guide you in the right direction. The best thing thing to do is to put your mind at rest and have some idea of what might be happening.

    Personally I spend a lot of time creating stories and people in my head, I do a lot of writing and this tends to spill over into my life so I often find myself disengaged from conversations because I'm caught up in my own head. This happened a lot more for me when I had anxiety and depression, I think probably because I was looking for an escape from reality. I know a few other people who found themselves coping in similar ways, distancing themselves from reality. I know that you mentioned in your question that you have winter depression but in general how are you? It may be that there is some underlying problem which is why you're finding yourself moving further into your own head.

    Just to check, the people you talk to in your head, when you talk to them are you always aware that they are in your head? Can you ever actually see the people as though they're standing with you?

    From what you've said I don't think you should worry. I think you should speak to a professional so as to be sure. If you would like to talk anymore or would like anymore advice then don't hesitate to get back in touch.

    Lals

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Lals View Post
      Hi Geiteu,

      It's good to hear from you, I hope you're having a good day.

      I would like to preface all of this by saying I am not a psychologist so I can't offer you any formal advice on your mental health but I know that it can help to talk it through with someone so I'm going to try to respond to your question as best as possible.

      Firstly, I would recommend seeing a doctor/psychiatrist. I'm not saying there is definitely an issue but if you feel confused and that's making you anxious or unhappy in any way then it's always best to have a chat with someone just help guide you in the right direction. The best thing thing to do is to put your mind at rest and have some idea of what might be happening.

      Personally I spend a lot of time creating stories and people in my head, I do a lot of writing and this tends to spill over into my life so I often find myself disengaged from conversations because I'm caught up in my own head. This happened a lot more for me when I had anxiety and depression, I think probably because I was looking for an escape from reality. I know a few other people who found themselves coping in similar ways, distancing themselves from reality. I know that you mentioned in your question that you have winter depression but in general how are you? It may be that there is some underlying problem which is why you're finding yourself moving further into your own head.

      Just to check, the people you talk to in your head, when you talk to them are you always aware that they are in your head? Can you ever actually see the people as though they're standing with you?

      From what you've said I don't think you should worry. I think you should speak to a professional so as to be sure. If you would like to talk anymore or would like anymore advice then don't hesitate to get back in touch.

      Lals
      Thank you so much for the advice! I guess I'm doing quite fine as of now, I'm not feeling down and discouraged like I usually do when I'm in on eof my slumps. As for your questions.. I am always aware that they are in my head and cannot see them physically. For me they are located somewhere in the room and I when I talk to a certain person I'll face their direction. I've taken into consideration what you said and also spoken to some other friends of mine so I'm gonna go see a therapist sometime soon just to be sure.

      Again, thank you so much for your advice!

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi,

        This isn't so much advice, but I thought I'd leave a message to say that I also used to do what you do. It used to happen mainly before bed, and I would speak to people that I would imagine were standing around my room. Certain pieces of furniture would mark where they stood, such as a bookshelf. They had names, and I would usually speak about mundane things, like what I had done that day. Sometimes though, I would speak to them about how I was feeling or what I was thinking, and I found it helped me to unload everything.

        I guess it went beyond just speaking to myself though, as in my head I was speaking to other people. I stopped once I got a girlfriend and she started sleeping over (maybe 15 or so) but on the nights she wasn't there I would sometimes carry on. I thought I was the only one who did this, and its reassuring to see that I wasn't, so I thought I'd post this, so you'd know you weren't alone!

        Matt
        Last edited by 12matthewclough; 17-10-2017, 10:43 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          I would advise that you seek guidance from a medical expert like a GP. Self diagnosis is scary and the wrong way to go.
          Just someone changing to who they really are. Jessica, now Jacob, been a big step but im sure it will be an exciting journey.

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey this isn't really advice but I do the exact same thing as you. I'm still a kid tho. I can't remember how it started either but me and my mum don't get along that well and sometimes when she's said something that's hurt me I would go upstairs and cry my eyes out to the people I imagine. They'd listen and comfort me and I can trust them and they'd never hurt me cuz they're in my head. And sometimes we'd just have normal conversations for hours without me even realising that they aren't actually there, I also face them when I talk and once my friend caught me staring at one direction and faintly moving my lips but she didn't make a big deal out of it and I never told her. I think I forgot I wasn't by myself for a second or so. I love doing this but if I haven't done it in a while and if I'm surrounded by a load of people I do get a little cranky.

            Comment

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