Essential support for under 25s

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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

Hey everyone!

On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


Come along and join us! Find out more here
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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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MENTAL ISSUES?!

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  • MENTAL ISSUES?!

    I have never spoke a word to anyone regarding my mental health, I have never been diagnosed with anything either. Over the last year/2 years or so I have noticed I have been becoming increasingly unhappy with my life and feel like it is going nowhere. Every day I wake up and feel like I have no purpose, I feel like I have no meaningful connections with other people or a connection with someone on an emotional level where we can discuss our feelings and why we feel like we do. I want to be able to develop emotional connections with people but i just don't seem to be able to, I have never had a proper girlfriend, I have tried to put myself out there but the struggling to open up about my feelings i think makes it hard for people to understand me, i also do not do well with rejection if i get ignored it plays on my mind and shatters my confidence, which is probably why if i do ever start talking/seeing someone i just constantly think they want someone better than me, that i am not good enough. This has led to me to feel extremely lonely. I have family and friends but I do not trust them enough to tell them how I am feeling, I don't think they would take it seriously and I do not think they would be able to help either. I was abandoned as a baby by my Dad and have lived with my mum for all my life, my Dad came back into my life for about a year when I turned 13 and I have not spoken to him since. I do not have the best relationship with my Mum either, I argue with her nearly everyday and I hate being in the same room as her. I love her because she is my Mum and has raised me on her own but I do not like her or the way she is. I feel bad that I feel that way about her but i cannot help it, it only seems to get worse over time. I seem to have some good and bad days, mostly bad and i do have daily thoughts that maybe i would be better off if I killed myself, maybe this constant feeling of not being good enough, being lonely and unloved is worse than ending it. I would not follow it through, definitely not in the immediate future. I have not thought up any plans of how to do it, but it scares me that it keeps popping in my head when i start feeling down about things i do not want it to get to that extremity. I have always been one to bottle up my emotions and not tell people how i really feel about them, only time I do tell people is when i lose my temper and get angry. I am a very angry person inside my mood is constantly switching from anger to sadness. Sometimes the littlest things can tip me over the edge and i have on many occasions smashed things up in my house due to the anger, once it goes i cannot control it, i stop myself from hitting whoever makes me angry but i have that feeling of i want to hurt something or see something get destroyed because i think it will make me feel better. It never does but its the only way i know how to cope. with the anger.

    I want to know if anyone else here has felt like this at some point and what the outcome was? I am sure many of you have felt like this and most probably have been in worse situations and had to deal with a lot more than this, but your feelings are you feelings and you cannot stop them. Anyone who has been in similar situations or felt similar what did you do to try and change? I have thought about going to a therapist but I do not think i am ready for one yet, the thought of opening up and showing a person my vulnerabilities scares me.

  • #2
    Hey! Hope your doing okay?

    I'm not sure how much help i can be to you but i am always here to listen if you wanted someone to talk to?
    In some ways i am similar to you in the fact that i hate opening up to people and keep my feelings to myself. I understand how hard that can be, especially when you want to talk to someone about things but get too scared.
    You said that you are feeling more unhappy recently and it is understandable that you dont want to talk to your parents. I dont speak to my parents about things and thats why i find it really helpful on here because i can find people to talk to that listen and understand.
    Have you thought about going to your GP and talking to them about how you are feeling and then they might be able to help you with what to do next? If you dont want to do that, maybe try the chats here for a bit to build the confidence in speaking to people like i am doing at the moment?

    Im sorry if this hasent been very helpful for you. I'm always here you you though!
    Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

    Comment


    • #3
      Hey there ekathmas nice to meet you.

      It definitely sounds like you're coping with a lot of really negative feelings recently and I'm sorry to hear that, it's understandable why you'd be worried about opening up about how you're feeling. You might find it helpful to visit your GP and talk to them about the rough time you've had lately, even if you don't feel ready to see a therapist there are a lot of great options they can recommend to you.

      I would also advise talking to someone in your life about how you're feeling although it's understandable that you would feel nervous about doing so, lots of people find it difficult to open up about their emotions so you're definitely not alone there. If you want you could try talking anonymously one of the many great charities out there that help people dealing with such negative feelings such as The Samaritans https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-ca...you/contact-us SupportLine http://www.supportline.org.uk/contact.php or SANE http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/helpline/ . These are all really great services that you might want to look into.

      You also mention that you've had problems with both your parents in the past, is that part of why you're feeling so down at all?

      It's very brave of you to want to talk about this so thank you for opening up on the boards here.

      - Riley

      Comment


      • #4
        First off its great that you've opened up about this and that's already a huge step. There are for sure other people out there experiencing similar issues as you, its completely normal and many of us have suffered from poor mental health at some point. Talking to your GP about it is a good way to go because they can refer to someone who can help and even if you don't feel ready to speak to a therapist there are many other options they can sign post you to. if you would prefer to talk to someone anonymously then are many places you could go, support chat or 1-2-1 chat on here, Samaritans, Supportline, or Sane as Riley signposted, and even Kooth. they are amazing services you may want to look into and may seem less intimidating than in person to open up to. if you need any more support always feel free to post on the message boards as there are many people here who may be able to help x

        Best wishes!
        "Weave me a rope that will pull me through these impossible times"
        ~ Tim Finn



        - LAINE

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Ekathmas,

          I have to say what you are describing is similar to how I am. I've been diagnosed with BPD and with that I suffer from severe mood swings, anger and often struggle to connect with people. I think going to your GP and asking to be referred to the mental health team is a good place to start. My advice on how to deal with this "drifting" right bow, would be to find something you love that gives you purpose, opening up is difficult when you've probably never had the emotional support necessary to do it, but writing letters expressing why you're upset/angry helped me communicate with people (my psych says anger is the response of someone whose needs aren't being met) and I also do breathing exercises whenever I feel like I'm becoming overwhelmed- perhaps engaging in mindfulness could help you ground yourself? There's a few apps out there now that helps with guided meditation though that may not be your cup of tea. All I can say is you're not alone, and if you want someone to vent to, we'll be here.

          Comment


          • #6
            NothingMuch, that's some great advice and thank you for sharing. I'm sure this will be very helpful. How have you found these stress mechanisms and what works the best for you?

            Comment

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