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As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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Brief Thoughts - What's With Me?

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  • Brief Thoughts - What's With Me?

    I have a vague idea of what connects a few of my negative feelings. I am increasingly reluctant to trust people, especially a select few of my closest friends. As I have mentioned in previous posts my friends had a huge falling out six or so months ago. Everyone else seemed to cope better than me.

    Unfortunately, since then, I have heard each side of the story told in a thousand and one hurtful little fragments, and I have become suspicious of everyone who was involved - I feel like everyone is manipulating and toying with me against everyone else. Additionally I have spent a lot of time cooped up, pitying myself and feeling like a victim.

    To add to that, I have a weird thing where my brain supplies me with horrifying and heartbreaking mental images of suffering, betrayal and victimisation, often through animals dying in cruel ways.

    I'm beginning to wonder if I've developed some kind of obsession with self-pity, where I feel like I have the right to suffer and where other people's problems aren't as valid because of it, where I almost glorify the position of the innocent victim - to the point that I feel fragile and slow to trust. Is this something other people feel, and if so, what should I do?

  • #2
    Do you think these feelings may be a way of protecting yourself? When we feel at victim maybe we are more aware of things than when we are not aware? And say you dont trust people and just a way to protect yourself.? Cause if let go of it may be vunerable to getting hurt ? I mean like i always feel like i just play victim to depression and feel sorry for myself & because i know what to expect, dont get my hopes up to just be let down again and its like i allow myself to feel unhappy or something. But think is important to get rid of any sort of self pity to allow your self to be happy. But i dunmo how. Im not sure if i am making any sense or read what you wrote correctly

    But anyway when you get those images of like animals dying, maybe try to just let the thoights happen and dont give too much attention to it. I know thats harder than it sounds but the more attention we give to something the more we fuel it. But instead bring more attentiom to when think of postive things instead.
    I dont think ive helped at all or made any sense so i hope someone helps you out and replies. Maube if its something that is really affexting you may be worth getting help or opinions from your doctor?
    Last edited by Shaunie; 10-11-2017, 12:08 AM.
    "Recovery is my best revenge" - Carolyn Spring "Let your past make you better not bitter" - Unknown


    • #3
      Hey Cora Legis,

      Thanks so much for talking about how you're doing, trying to understand your feelings can be very difficult and a lot of people find it easier to understand when they can talk about what they're going through. With that in mind is there anyone close to you in your life you feel like you can talk to about all this? Your recent problems with your friends seem like very specific problems for you to have to cope with and someone who knows the full situation might be able to help you.

      You also mentioned that you're worried you might have developed a focus on being a victim, is this something that's been growing over time or has it just started since your recent problems with your friends? It sounds awful to have to deal with mental images like those you mentioned though so I hope it's not too overwhelming for you.

      - Riley


      • #4
        Hey Cora Legis

        ​It sounds like you've been put in a difficult situation and I can see how it may have all gotten to you. Like Riley has mentioned above, you are identifying how you are feeling, why this is and what it is causing. This is such big thing to do and can take so long for us to put a name to a feeling. Coming on here to talk about it can help you sort through your thoughts on it all too.

        ​When we are in a close group of friends, it can be hard to know who to trust when arguments happen. The group can split, end up talking about each other and trust can be broken here. But it sounds as if everyone around you has come back together. Is this the situation now? Where the argument has passed but you are still feeling this way?

        ​Again, it is completely understandable how hard trust is to build back up as we worry about if arguments and fall outs will happen again. Do you think the group would be able to get together and talk it all out? I think it can really help with trusting others if everyone can sit down and be honest. This can be a very hard thing to do, but if you are feeling this way a lot of the time somebody else is feeling similar too. Even if this is not shown on the outside, like you say, others may seem that they are coping but in fact on the inside they are not, so opening up with them would help both of you. I wanted to mention this so that you don't feel alone. For instance, I myself tend to be someone that acts fine on the outside because I don't like bringing things up or others asking...when sometimes, I'm bottling it all up.

        It's like you mentioned about hearing everyone's version about what happened. Each person has a different perspective and a different view, right? And a lot of this is because we tend to point blame, feel bad for ourselves, twist words to our advantage and see ourselves as the victim. So we all can do this and it sounds as if everyone in the group may have been 'victimising' themselves when telling their side of the story....And even though I know this is smaller to what you are feeling, it is more common than you think. Just, don't feel alone in this.

        ​I think it is important that you talk to someone about it all though, as things are developing into mental images. A lot of the time this is because we are thinking about it so, so much and just bottling it all up. I have done this before too - where you are constantly on guard, thinking about it, wondering and worrying. Because we put so much attention and energy into this, it can take over out mind and cause images and dreams etc. It takes over our conscious and sub-conscious thoughts. What you could do here is to talk it out, write it down and then you don't have to think about it so much. Easier said than done I know.

        ​There are techniques you can use to calm these images too. Things like breathing techniques, going for walks, calming your mind with music or art. Is there a particular hobby that you enjoy doing? Why not trying to use this as a distraction technique any time that images start to pop up. As soon as you distract yourself and get rid of them, they will become weaker and less dominating in your mind. Whenever I feel this way I love going for a walk with some music on, breathing in the fresh air. This could also help you get out and help that feeling of being 'cooped up'.

        ​I hope some of this helps, there are some forums here on the mix about relationships and trust that may give you some other tips.
        This one is about arguments with peers and how you deal with them during or after:

        ​We are always here to listen on The Mix but if you want someone to contact and talk this out with, you can always contact The Mix's helpline: 0808 808 4994 from 11am - 11pm everyday.



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