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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

Hey everyone!

On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


Come along and join us! Find out more here
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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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Scared of Food

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  • Scared of Food

    Hello

    Over the past few months I have been using food as something I can controll as their is so much hapening to me I can't control. What I have been eating has been getting less and less for a while now.

    It's now changed from control to fear. I have somehow managed to link food with how I feel which means that every time I eat anything I feel suicidal. To stop me feeling like this I am now eating nothing and haven't eaten anything at all for a week now. I am still drinking though. It is working really well and keeping me feeling good without needing to do any other forms of self harm which I have done for so long.

    However, I am going to be going away sailing next weekend and am scared that they will make me eat, and therefore I will spend all my holiday feeling suicidal rather than enjoying it. I am also scared about a big meeting on Wednesday just before I go away and what the people may end up wanting to do with me, for example sending me to hospital and making me miss sailing which I know will make me feel worse because I love sailing. It may sound easy to just tell me to eat something to prove I still can or whatever but the thought of eating is more scary than the thought of hospital, just as long as hospital does not happen before sailing. After sailing they can do whatever they want, just not before.

    I am really not sure what to do anymore. I am not loosing weight even though I am eating nothing so I will be using that to say that I am clearly still quite well because my weight is stable. Which is good because I am not trying to loose weight as in certain eating disorders and therefore my CPN thinks I do not have an eating disorder.

    My main thoughts at the moment are about sailing, and doing everything I can to go and enjoy it, I just don't know what to do about eating anymore.

    Please can someone help?

  • #2
    As a sailor myself and also someone which struggles with food this really hit me as I understand everything you have said.

    Anyway my advice would also be to make sure that you are safe and healthy to go sailing, this is because sailing can be dangerous. If you are sailing you will be using a lot of energy so you need to try and eat something to make sure that you are able to fuel the body. I understand that this is hard to do and you don't want to eat, but start with small things and slowly gradually build up.

    Sounds like sailing means a lot you and you really want to go. This means you have a goal which you can work towards, something you can look forward to. Just make sure your safe to go.

    You can do this stay strong here for you

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    • #3
      Hi Charlotte, thank you for replying so quickly.

      yes, you are right sailing means a lot to me, and I have already been using it as motivation to get me through moving house. Because of that I am willing to try to eat while I am atcually there if it means I can go but I don't want to eat between now and sailing.

      However, I have done my weight this morning myself and found I have lost a bit since last week. I am now scared of what my CPN might do either tomorrow when i see her or on Wednesday at this big meeting. Do you know if loosing this much will cause them to do anything?
      Last edited by Aife; 09-05-2017, 01:28 PM. Reason: Removed weight measurement

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      • #4
        It's great that you have a motivation to do something this can really keep you going through hard times.

        I am not sure if losing weight will cause them to do anything sorry, if you have lost that much in a week then they may do something but I don't know sorry.

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        • #5
          I understand this.
          But you shouldn't need to work round it but instead find ways to eat.

          You need food to survive and isn't your enermy. Can end up in hospital if you lose to much weight and they either make you put it all back on or go to binge eating and will put it back on. Then your control would be gone and it would be controlling you. It's not a way to live. Because your body qnd brain can't go on forever restricting. And you need your energy to go sailing. And doing things you enjoy without feeling so weak and achy.


          Is there anything you feel incontrol of or could find ways you feel more incontrol? Something that helped me was tbat that instead of controlling my eating and weight i controled my thoughts that went with it . Qnd instead I would eat when my eating disorder was telling me not to and feel like i have control over my eating now.

          But i understand right now you may feel your incontrol but if it's stopoubg you doing things like going sailing . It might be controlling you.

          Losing that much- doesn't really mean they will do anything- depending on your weight now and your general health observations. But they will be concerned and may do thing like weigh you more and do blood tests. (From past expereince.

          Hope that made sense. Take care of your self.
          "Recovery is my best revenge" - Carolyn Spring "Let your past make you better not bitter" - Unknown

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