Essential support for under 25s

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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

Hey everyone!

On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


Come along and join us! Find out more here
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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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insecure and need advice

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  • insecure and need advice

    Hi guys

    I'm 25 years old and am getting married next year. However, all excitement is being taken over by how much i hate myself in a wedding dress. I've been told by almost everyone i meet i look 16 - I've even been mistaken for a pupil AT MY JOB and questioned by parents of the pupils i teach if i'm on work experience. I've been teaching for 4 years...

    As a result, every wedding dress i try on makes me feel like a teenager playing dress up. I know this probably seems shallow and vain but it's starting to become a massive shadow over the whole planning of the wedding every girl dreams about. It's really getting me down because i genuinely feel ridiculous in a dress. It probably doesn't help that as a teenager i suffered from an eating disorder and reached a size 0 - i'm now a healthy size 8-10 but I've never got rid of the nagging feeling that i've never looked quite right, whether it be my eyebrows, weight, height... even the size of my head (which is small! the smallest graduation hat they do had to be pinned to my head - I'm 5ft 7!). My age being questioned constantly doesn't help... Luckily i have a really supportive partner but i don't want to ruin the wedding experience for him.

    Does anyone have any advice for me?

    Thanks in advance x x x

  • #2
    Hello #skss17

    Thank you for wanting to share this.

    First of all, I think it's great that you look younger than your age, you can use it to your advantage when you're older. I am hoping that I'll be able to do that too! I too have also been mistaken for being a student when I worked at a college a few months ago (by the very same tutor that taught me Spanish during my A-levels) but I would advise that you try to let it go over your shoulder.

    I'm sure you are not ruining the experience for your partner. He loves you and wants to marry you and I'm sure through many of your qualities, he sees the beauty in you. I say you try to push everyone else's perceptions aside, and think about how beautiful you're going to look walking down that aisle regardless of what anybody else thinks. You deserve to be excited for your big day.

    On many occasions, I've been told that I look younger than my age and I've just thought to myself, "at least I am me." and that's the best person to be. Don't change your image of how you dress. You'll know which dress is the one!

    Personally, I've never tried a wedding dress on, only bridesmaid ones as I am 22 years old but I do hope to marry my boyfriend and best friend in the future.

    I wish you all the happiness in the world and hope that you'll find a way to smile, hold your head up high and be proud of how beautiful you'll look.

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    • #3
      Hi #skss17,
      Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Two things come to mind when I read your post. The first is the suggestion to use make-up. Sometimes wearing makeup can make you feel older (like it did when I was a kid using my mumís lipstick). If you feel like makeup might help you feel more confident in feeling and appearing older, you could treat yourself to a make-up session with a professional to teach you how to best style your appearance. With that being said, I think itís important to remember that other peopleís opinions of you are not as important as your own. You are a grown woman with a career and an upcoming marriage, so try to remind yourself in times of doubt ( like when youíre trying on a wedding dress) that you donít need anyoneís permission to feel grown up and beautiful. My second thought when reading your post is that your partner might actually be a really good resource for you. Expressing this concern of yours to him may help you feel better, and if he happens to be nervous in any way for the wedding, this would also give him an opportunity to share his concerns with you. Sometimes just vocalizing a concern of mine can help it stop circling in my head.

      How are you getting on now?
      - Mica

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