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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

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On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.


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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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My parents take most of my money :(

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  • My parents take most of my money :(

    Hi

    I didn't know who to speak to about this as it's really getting me down and stressing me out but anyway..

    I have a part time job (16.5 hours a week) and I earn around £400 a month. My parents ask for £200 a month for keep. They also lent me some money for a car so I also pay them an extra £100 a month which I agreed to pay. My parents take £300 a month off me all together when I only earn £400 which leaves me with barely anything to live on and I struggle to save in order to move out. I never agreed to pay my parents £200 a month for keep as I believe it is a lot of money and is unfair considering the amount of money I earn.

    It used to be £80 a month which was fine but just over a year ago my boyfriend argued with my parents and they punished me for it by putting my keep up to £200

    I have either not paid them at all or only paid them £80 and every time I do that they threaten to kick me out onto the streets.

    I got paid today so I transferred £180 into their account (£100 for the car and £80 for keep) as I cannot afford to be giving them over half of my pay check. Everything kicked off and they said that if I don't pay them the £300 they will kick me out and sell my car. I am the registered owner of the vehicle so doing this would be illegal. My mum has also blocked my car in on the drive so I can't get out at all.

    What should I do? Surely they shouldn't be taking most of my money?

    Thanks in advance for any replies!

  • #2
    Your parents are being extremely mean taking so much money from you. But I think you can obtain excellent advice through Citizens Advice here, or visiting a branch in your town. They work on donations only and seeing you are such a low wage earner, would not expect any money in the in. These people are professionals giving up their time to give voluntary help people like you and me

    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

    Gawn

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for the reply. I'm going to try them this week. I hope they help!

      My parents have just said to me that if I don't pay the rest of the money that they are going to sell my car. I have told them that they can't because I am the owner. However they just replied saying "you're not the owner until you pay us the remaining money for the car so we are entitled to sell it".

      I honestly don't know what to do right now. Can't they see that I'm gonna end up having nothing to do with them if they do this?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by bex View Post
        Thank you for the reply. I'm going to try them this week. I hope they help!

        My parents have just said to me that if I don't pay the rest of the money that they are going to sell my car. I have told them that they can't because I am the owner. However they just replied saying "you're not the owner until you pay us the remaining money for the car so we are entitled to sell it".

        I honestly don't know what to do right now. Can't they see that I'm gonna end up having nothing to do with them if they do this?
        Well as I said, the plan is to hop along to Citizens Advice because they have profession volunteers who specialize in different sectors, one of which is LAW. So you should do yourself a favour and at least give them a try. I used them to get legal advice on cutting down a bay tree that was blocking the light from my kitchen. Problem was, said bay tree was in my neighbour's garden on the left-hand side. The Citizens Advice bloke investigated and said it was my neighbour's responsibility. The tree has since been cut down though my neighbour hates me, tough.

        They are worth a try. I don't see why you have to put up with your parents' nastiness and certainly not your father's.
        Gawn

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by AccessDenied View Post

          Well as I said, the plan is to hop along to Citizens Advice because they have profession volunteers who specialize in different sectors, one of which is LAW. So you should do yourself a favour and at least give them a try. I used them to get legal advice on cutting down a bay tree that was blocking the light from my kitchen. Problem was, said bay tree was in my neighbour's garden on the left-hand side. The Citizens Advice bloke investigated and said it was my neighbour's responsibility. The tree has since been cut down though my neighbour hates me, tough.

          They are worth a try. I don't see why you have to put up with your parents' nastiness and certainly not your father's.

          I will be going tomorrow. Thank you

          Comment


          • #6
            Goodo!
            Gawn

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by bex View Post


              I will be going tomorrow. Thank you
              What has happened since your visit? Did you come away with any advice worth working on?
              Gawn

              Comment


              • #8
                Get yourself a bunch of new parents. They are Controll-Freaks, They dont trust you, they are emotionally handicapped people. They cant sell your car, because the documents say you are the owner. Private Contracts between you and your parents are not supported by law. If you go to another country forever your parents wont see that money ever again in their life.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Bex,

                  Did you visit the CAB for advice on this in the end?

                  I lend a LOT of money to my parents by choice but in a way I need to-We are not in receipt of any benefits or anything so I guess it's only right.

                  xx

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by bex View Post
                    Hi

                    I didn't know who to speak to about this as it's really getting me down and stressing me out but anyway..

                    I have a part time job (16.5 hours a week) and I earn around £400 a month. My parents ask for £200 a month for keep. They also lent me some money for a car so I also pay them an extra £100 a month which I agreed to pay. My parents take £300 a month off me all together when I only earn £400 which leaves me with barely anything to live on and I struggle to save in order to move out. I never agreed to pay my parents £200 a month for keep as I believe it is a lot of money and is unfair considering the amount of money I earn.

                    It used to be £80 a month which was fine but just over a year ago my boyfriend argued with my parents and they punished me for it by putting my keep up to £200

                    I have either not paid them at all or only paid them £80 and every time I do that they threaten to kick me out onto the streets.

                    I got paid today so I transferred £180 into their account (£100 for the car and £80 for keep) as I cannot afford to be giving them over half of my pay check. Everything kicked off and they said that if I don't pay them the £300 they will kick me out and sell my car. I am the registered owner of the vehicle so doing this would be illegal. My mum has also blocked my car in on the drive so I can't get out at all.

                    What should I do? Surely they shouldn't be taking most of my money?

                    Thanks in advance for any replies!
                    I'm 26. I still live with my parents. I work part time hours ranging from 12-25 sometimes more. And my step father takes two thirds of my wage. The reason why is because my mum works little and they need my income as it pays the rent of the house. I like pulling my weight but it is quite annoying sometimes. But I get £200 left for my self to spend. Say I get £760 for my wage. My step dad will take £530. Part of me doesn't mind because I've never been selfish with money. I save it as a hobby. But sometimes I just wish I had a little more. But what you need to remember is that one day when you move out/get married you'll have no money for yourself. So it's better learning to live with little and learning to budget than just simply spend spend spend. It's a useful life skill and will help you when you eventually fly the nest. All the best

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hey VioletFire, and welcome to the community.

                      This thread is a couple of years old now so I'm going to close it. Feel free to start a similar topic of your own if you'd like to.
                      Taking care of yourself takes care of more than just yourself.

                      Comment

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