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Support Circles on Sundays

Hey everyone,

We're going to be running support circles once a month on a Sunday! At the moment they run on Tuesdays, but for one of those Tuesdays, each month they will be running on a Sunday instead.

This next Sunday support circle will be on 26 November. If you'd like to come along, (sign up by completing the form here )
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Chatwee Update

Update - There's been some technical difficulties launching Chatwee onto our website so we will not be moving to Chatwee on Thursday.

As soon as we fix this issue, we'll announce another date for launching. We're really sorry for the delay in Chatwee, thanks so much for your patience.
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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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What age should you start having sex?

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  • What age should you start having sex?

    The average age for having sex is 16 ( However, there are many who do it a lot younger! When is the right time?

    Is the age not the important part but how long you have been in the relationship and whether there is mutual trust, respect and love?

  • #2
    the right time is subjective.

    ​i think some do it at 13 even. others until they are at uni at 18 or 19. If not intercourse, I think a lot of people have some kind of sexual contact before 16, whether handjobs, fingering, or bjowjobs.


    • #3
      Most people have sex before they start their first relationship. That means that 'how long you've been in relationship' isn't applicable for most people during their first time, because they're not in a relationship with the person whom they're losing their virginity to.

      16 is the average age at which people first have sexual intercourse. Most people have had other sociosexual contact before then.

      Age is relevant, because adult male virgins are ridiculed outcasts who are treated with contempt. Unfortunately, society judges adult male virgins to be unmasculine, worthless failures.
      Last edited by Robert; 05-03-2017, 11:05 PM.


      • #4
        Hey Frankiesays,
        You're right that the legal age to have sex is 16. The most important thing when thinking about having sex is that you and the person you want to have sex with are both on the same page and both want to have sex. There isn't really a right time to have sex, it's something which people differ in. Some may not feel comfortable until they're in their 20s, others may be perfectly up for it at age 16. There are indeed people who do it before they are 16, however age differences is something that people should be aware of. If someone under 16 has sex with someone over 16, the person over 16 could be charged with sexual assault, even if both parties consent to it. That's why it is always important to make sure you're aware of who you're having sex with and how old they are.

        Hope this helped,


        • #5
          How about if you are 100% definitely ready for sex (whatever you have or haven't done before), but can't get sex? No-one's willing to give advice to any of the huge numbers of people in that situation. Many people wrongly assume that anyone can get sex extremely easily, whenever they want.
          Last edited by Robert; 06-03-2017, 06:52 PM.


          • #6
            That's always a tough situation, and you're right that loads of people are faced with that problem. Unfortunately there isn't much people can do about that, since consent is key. There are people who are willing to have casual sex, not necessarily just in a relationship, but in this case it's always important to communicate.


            • #7
              How would someone communicate to someone he doesn't know that he'd like casual sex with her - without getting slapped, punched, having a drink thrown over him, getting thrown out of the venue etc.?

              There are many things they can do to make themselves more sexually appealing, but no-one will give helpful advice about the specifics. There are scammers who falsely pretend to give such advice for a fee, but don't actually give any helpful information.

              In regard to casual sex, the problem with getting that is that the number of males who want it massively exceed the number of females who want it, which makes the competition extremely difficult if you're straight, male and not handsome or a 'king of banter'. Hackers who got into Adult Friend Finder (one of the few hookup sites that isn't a scam) discovered that the male:female ratio of members is 16:1 - which means that most of the millions of men on AFF don't stand a chance. The small number of women on there can take their pick from millions of men.

              The mantra to 'have sex when you feel you're ready' is nonsense when you've been ready for years but can't get sex. Why is that ignored by most people who give advice?

              Someone wrote in to an advice column. He said that he's part of a group of four lads who go out as a group every weekend to get one-night stands with girls. He said that it's always the same four in their group and has been for years. They always go to the same places in the same city and stick together until the first one of them finds a girl. After that, the other three stay together until another one does, etc. Every weekend, each of his friends finds a girl and each has a ONS with her - but he never finds a girl who wants him. He said that he can't see any difference between him and his friends, so he can't see why all his three friends have ONS with girls every weekend without exception - yet he never finds a girl to have a ONS with, despite his best efforts. The advice columnist didn't give him any useful advice or information. There must be a significant difference, yet no-one will tell him what it might be.
              Last edited by Robert; 06-03-2017, 07:50 PM.


              • #8

                I don't think there is an age where we should have sex. The legal age is 16 but that doesn't mean you have to have sex then. I'm 21 and I haven't had sex before. Some people do judge and say I must be weird or something. But I do feel that I want my first experience to be special. This is what broke my first relationship up. I was with him just under a month and he wanted sex but I wasn't ready. But it wasn't just that. He wanted us to move out have children and get married as soon as we could. I was 17 then and really wasn't ready.

                People have told me that I should just have a one night stand because it's weird to be 21 and a virgin.

                But let's face it
                Who needs to know I'm a virgin?
                Who does my sex life effect?

                How I see it the only person it really effects is me


                • #9
                  OIAM, if you want to wait years, that's fine. What I'm surprised at is don't you have a strong desire to have sex, like most young people do? Have you never met anyone whom you've wanted to have sex with?

                  What do you mean by special? In a 5-star hotel in The Maldives? With a Zac Efron lookalike? With someone who thinks you're perfect?


                  • #10
                    Hi rob it's not that I want to wait years and I do have sexual feelings still. I just mean I want to wait until it's the right person and the sex is for love rather than lust. I don't mean wait until marriage but I want to know the person I share my body with before I have sex with them.

                    I did have sexual feelings towards my ex. But just wasn't quite ready due to previous sexual harassment at school. This had made me nervous and I just wasn't quite ready at that time


                    • #11
                      You've never known anyone well enough, whom you've fancied, to want sex with them?

                      How about before you were sexually harassed? Did you want sex then?

                      No-one's first time is perfect, so don't expect that. If you're expecting him to be like Johnny Castle, you're going to be disappointed.

                      How do you deal with conversations in which everyone else in the group is talking gleefully about their sexual adventures?
                      Last edited by Robert; 07-03-2017, 07:44 PM.


                      • #12
                        Hi, I've actually not been any other relationship since I was 17. I've been on dates but it's never really gone well.

                        I was sexually harassed when I was 16 and before that I hadn't even kissed anyone let alone had or wanted sex with anyone.

                        I'm not expecting my first time to be perfect because like you say no ones first time is. But like I say, when I want it to be special all I mean is with someone I love and trust and I'm loved and trusted by them.

                        Talking about sex and others sexually experiences really doesn't bother me.


                        • #13
                          Do you realise that you could be waiting years for those criteria to be fulfilled?

                          Had you not wanted to kiss anyone before 16? Most people have French kissed someone before then.

                          In what way(s) did the dates go badly?

                          How do the sex conversations go with your friends? Do you tell them the truth - or do you make up stories of sexual adventures you've had, in order to fit in with them?
                          Last edited by Robert; 07-03-2017, 08:39 PM.


                          • #14
                            I realise I could be waiting years but I just don't want to jump into bed with someone unless I know I want to. I don't actually mean madly in love but I want to feel something for that person rather than it being (I think I like you) I know that my first time probably won't be the person I'll be with forever but I want to find some attraction to them.

                            I have wanted to kiss someone before I was 16 but just never did. It was actually a few days before my 16th that I actually kissed someone.

                            The dates offen go ok st first and then I find they are actually with someone or want sex by the end of the date and don't want to know me when I say no.

                            I have kissed and made out with my ex but apart from that we never actually had sex. It did get to a point where we thought about it but he didn't want to use a condom and I didn't want to take the risk. That when he started talking about moving out with me and starting a family. Which like I said I wasn't ready for that. That was the reason for our break up.

                            When it comes to conversations I do tell them the truth. My friends of course are cool with it. Like they say it's my choice.

                            I do want a sexual relationship but just not with some random person I bearly know


                            • #15
                              I don't think there's really an age where one should have sex. I consider myself asexual because i'm completely devoid of sexual attraction and im 18, then again in september im off to uni so (wishes we had an eyes emoji). I haven't had sex ever, but i don't consider that abnormal, heck, even if someone was 40 years old and never had sex i wouldn't consider that abnormal.

                              16 may be the average but it doesn't mean it's like a rule either.

                              That said, I consider what the law says to be a minimum rule myself- ie 16-17, and 18+ partners. And while yes, people do do sex under those ages I would be concerned if anyone has sex under the age of 13 because I personally believe a 12 year old cannot grasp the scale of consequences and benefits of sex.

                              I suppose the right time depends on the person - but age isn't the deciding factor for sure - i think it more depends on when the person is ready, and that may be 14 it may be 46, it may be 23, it may be 35, I dunno.
                              With readiness defined as the point which a person has close to full information on sex (ie they know about contraception & STD prevention & can correctly apply that knowledge) to ensure safety + they actually want it and are in the mood for sex and have consented to it. And ones partner should feel ready too with the same definition applied.

                              Why didn't you just shout i'm lonely and i'm looking for a place to go ~ Where everything's an embrace and everybody wants to know


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