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When should I mention splitting the cost of a date?

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  • When should I mention splitting the cost of a date?

    I have a date scheduled. I've always thought that costs should be split. However, every time I've tried, the girl has angrily rejected my suggestion. What's the best time and way to raise the topic of sharing the costs?

    A related issue is what should I do when a girl angrily brands me a cheapskate for taking her somewhere that doesn't cost a fortune, rather than wining and dining her at an expensive restaurant? Several girls have angrily rejected me for not 'treating them like the princesses that they are'.
    Last edited by Robert; 14-03-2017, 08:48 PM.

  • #2
    Hi Robert,

    I agree that is fair to split the cost of a date or at least offer. If you have already paid for one have you tried explaining your circumstances? That you would love to take your date out again but can't afford to pay for the two of you each and every time?

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    • #3
      None of the girls whom I've dated have ever offered to pay for anything.

      I have explained my situation to several girls and suggested to alternate paying. All of them angrily rejected that and told me that if I can't afford to pay for everything on all dates, then I shouldn't date at all.

      This will be my first date with this girl. When should I raise the topic of splitting the cost?
      Last edited by Robert; 15-03-2017, 10:44 PM.

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      • #4
        Hi Robert, thanks for your post. I can understand why you are not sure about this situation. You have always thought costs should be split and she doesnít seem to. It might seem awkward but could you talk to her before the date to explain how you feel? This way the date might not feel uncomfortable. If you would like to see her quite a few times, could you mention it? It might help her understand why you feel you cannot pay every time.

        You say you have been branded a 'cheapskate' for not treating girls 'like princesses' and that you have been rejected because of this. Many people have trouble finding places to go that are impressive but donít cost loads. Could you impress her by taking her on an unusual date rather than an expensive one? There are lots of ideas online of cheap or different dates. Try this Buzzfeed article, í21 Cheap Date Ideas in Londoní for example. Iím not sure where you live but this might give you some ideas of similar things to do in your area. It might be that thinking of something new could impress her more than expensive places.

        Good luck with working this out Robert. Get in touch if you have any other thoughts.

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        • #5
          Those are interesting suggestions. Unfortunately, most of the girls whom I've dated insisted on being wined and dined at expensive restaurants.

          Demanding to be treated like princesses is bizarrely outrageous. Imagine if I demanded to be treated like a prince on dates!
          Last edited by Robert; 16-03-2017, 08:23 AM.

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          • #6
            Hi Robert, Iím glad you found the suggestions interesting, might be worth a try just to see if they go for something else? It does seem like a difficult situation though if they only want wining and dining and arenít open to anything else. You say itís outrageous and bizarre, did you manage to communicate this to them? Do you have any idea why the girls you generally date seem to insist on this? Have you ever dated a girl who hasn't? Are there any similarities between them that might make them more likely to demand this kind of date? Imagine if you demanded to be treated like a prince indeed.It could be funny to see what happens but it could mean the date ends early!

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            • #7
              I have told them that their demands and expectations are unreasonable. Their response was that they're "worth it" and that if I care about them, I'd be happy to spend a lot of money on them and time with them. They claimed that everyone else whom they've dated has gladly wined and dined them and never suggested that they contribute.

              I have dated a few girls who didn't expect that, but even they expected me to spend a lot of money on them. Some girls have also expected me to give them presents on dates.

              I can't see anything that makes them stand out as obvious gold-diggers / leeches etc. If there's a way to determine which girls are like that, then I've no idea what it is.

              Earlier this year, someone on another thread in this section said that she used to be like that - and that girls compete with their friends over who can get their dates / boyfriends to spend the most money on them.
              Last edited by Robert; 17-03-2017, 09:21 AM.

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              • #8
                I politely suggested a few days beforehand that we split the cost of the date, and/or go somewhere that doesn't cost a lot - she angrily rejected both. She told me that even suggesting those things shows that I'm "not boyfriend material" - so she cancelled the date and told me to never contact her again.
                Last edited by Robert; 19-03-2017, 07:13 AM.

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                • #9
                  Hey Robert,

                  ​Sorry to hear you got rejected after suggesting you split the cost of the date beforehand. Honestly, I think it was a good idea to mention that beforehand so there's no disagreements or tension when it comes to paying the bill. Anyone who doesn't mind about splitting the bill, won't reject you and those that do, clearly aren't worth your time anyway. Better luck next time!

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                  • #10
                    Every girl whom I mention it to beforehand has cancelled the date. I know you could say it's good that using that strategy helps avoid gold-diggers / leeches, but I'm not making any progress.
                    Last edited by Robert; 19-03-2017, 01:15 PM.

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                    • #11
                      Sorry to hear you're not making any progress with this Robert. It may be that these girls will change their minds in the future when they realise few men are able to pay for everything all the time. In the meantime perhaps you can pay for what you want and are able to pay for, and outside of that just be honest about your position. After all, there will be more you can offer a date than just money, it's also about good company.

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                      • #12
                        I am honest about my situation.

                        Yes, most men can't pay for everything on expensive dates frequently. That's why gold-diggers move onto the next mug when their current mark runs out of money.

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                        • #13
                          It does sounds really difficult. I hope you find someone who understands soon! You're original post mentioned when to start splitting the date. There will be a lot of different views about this and it will differ from person to person as to when they feel it's right. Check this article out on 'Splitting the Bill'. You can see just how people think differently and it gives some interesting views from girls. Lots of the people suggest alternate paying which is another option, you pay the first date, she pays the next. Something to consider maybe?
                          We asked men and women at what point in their relationships they believe it is socially acceptable to actually start splitting the bill on a date.

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                          • #14
                            I didn't ask when to start splitting the bill, I want to know how to bring up the subject of splitting the bill starting with the first date.

                            I've suggested to a few girls that I pay for the first date and she pay for the second. However, none of those girls were willing to go on a second date with me.
                            Last edited by Robert; 21-03-2017, 08:23 AM.

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                            • #15
                              Ah I see. Knowing how girls have reacted so far when you bring up splitting the bill, can you think of anything you haven't tried yet or a method that worked slightly better than others? It may be that this tension around payment distracts from just enjoying the date.

                              Comment

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