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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Adoption seen in a bad light

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  • Adoption seen in a bad light

    ok so as many you know I am adopted.

    ​anyway why is adoption seen on tv as a bad thing sometimes??? I watching X factor tonight and one of the people on there was adopted and they brought it up because it said she went through a bad beginning in life and then being adopted changed that but I just felt she wanted people to feel sorry for her. I know in this case it looks like adoption is a good thing but why do they need to bring things like this up on tv?

    advice

  • #2
    Hi Laura,

    Thanks for posting, this is a really interesting topic to discuss. I think the first thing to consider is that everyone who has been through adoption will likely react to it in a different way and perhaps the woman on X-Factor was not trying to suggest that adoption is bad rather that her life before being adopted was not good. Whilst it was not necessary for her to bring up her adoption on tv, perhaps she was asked to provide some information about herself and that was something important that she saw as shaping her life.

    It's also possible that the program editors were using it as a tool to gain her some sympathy from the viewers, as you suggested. For someone who has been through similar experiences to the woman on tv how does it make you feel when they use her experience in this way?

    Despite them painting her experience of adoption as a negative aspect of her life don't let it impact on how you feel about your adoption. If you're content with your adoption and haven't ever felt uneasy about it then don't let someone else's bad experience taint your life. However if you feel yourself beginning to question your feelings then don't hesitate to speak out about it.

    Thanks again for the question Laura, I hope this helped. I'd be interested to hear what you think about it.

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    • #3
      Hi Lals x thanks for the reply x yeh I understand what you mean about the person on X Factor and yeh she could have been using it as an sympathy thing. I feel that they shouldn't bring up about adoption cause on most case they try and use it for sympathy and I don't think it should be seen like that as it is a good thing on most cases that someone has been adopted. As someone who has been adopted I feel it is a good thing but at the same time at times its tough to get straight what happened and sometimes its hard to feel I know who I really am if you know what I mean. hope to hear from you soon

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      • #4
        Hi Laura

        Thanks for sharing what it was like to see how x factor showed the adoption story, I can't know what it would be like for you to see that but I know a bit more because of what you shared.

        You sound like you are not ashamed of adoption and don't like it when people use it for sympathy. I'd like to hear more about why this annoys you, also when you say it's hard to know who you really are at times.

        Have you ever seen the topic of adoption treated in a way on tv that you thought sums it up well?

        glenn

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        • #5
          Hi Glenn. Thanks for the reply. its okay just felt that I needed to share what it was like to see what was on x factor after my experience. I'm not ashamed about being adopted and I don't like it when people use it for sympathy. It annoys me when people talk about being adopted because in every context ive heard it said so far its for sympathy. I sometimes struggle to know who I am as a person because I don't know much about my upbringing because of being adopted and sometimes I see this in a bad way but at most time I' appreciate being adopted because I know it was for the best for me and my situation. I have never seen on tv on the topic of adoption of what I think sums it up well x

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          • #6
            Hi Laura

            This is a really interesting subject to talk about and I can see what you mean about X Factor.
            ​I find that there are many things that are shown in a negative light on the show or any other reality-type program. I agree with Lals in a sense that it may have been something they shared about their story, but also that sympathy is a way to grab viewers. Anything different is highlighted by shows like this and I think it really is a way to get people engaged and interested.

            ​I'm glad you say that you are not ashamed, and that all people do is give you sympathy for this. I hope that doesn't upset you, I think this is because some people are surprised and just react how they think they should.
            ​People are brought up in so many different families and I am a firm believer that you can make your family. It's whoever brings you up, helps you grow and guides you through life that matters.

            ​Personally, my Dad is not biologically my Dad but I still see him in this light. He has been in my life since I was little and so this is how I see him. At the same time, I am distant from my biological Dad's family and so this did cause some identity and belonging confusion in the past. But I discovered myself, nobody else.
            I know you said you have some feelings of not knowing who you are, but the great thing is that we create this ourselves!
            ​You can explore yourself and find out who you are by following what you like and enjoy and surround yourself with different people that end up making your family.

            ​Years ago I had no idea who I was, and I am still learning now - I think we all are, right?
            ​Because everyday we feel different and do or like different things. So try not to put pressure on this because we are all on a journey. And we find out all sorts of things along the way.
            ​Yes, where we come from can be part of that, and perhaps you can explore this at some point in your life?

            ​But you can be whoever you want to be, no matter where you came from. And no one can dictate this!

            Hope this helps at all, I'm sending some positive auras over to you!

            -PositiveAura.

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