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Support Circles on Sundays

Hey everyone,

We're going to be running support circles once a month on a Sunday! At the moment they run on Tuesdays, but for one of those Tuesdays, each month they will be running on a Sunday instead.

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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Did I break it off too soon??

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  • Did I break it off too soon??

    Hey everyone.
    So yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend because I was basically supporting him financially. I would always pay for dates, giving him small loans, paying for cabs to see him because neither of us drive yet. He never met my dad or brother. He just never had the money for anything. I had almost £2000 saved up and now I struggle to keep £100 a week. But he is 17 and in college and is starting work in a few days again now that summer is over. I just cant help but feel like I broke it off too soon because he is in a stable job again next week and will be getting some money in. I am going back to his tomorrow to drop off his stuff but should I really talk it out with him without the arguments or just leave it as it is. Considering that I really do love this guy but just cant afford to keep supporting him.

  • #2
    Hi Hollie

    Thank you for your question. It's very common to feel this way after a break up and wonder if we really should have tried harder to make things work.

    It sounds like you have really strong feelings for this guy but you shouldn't have to be supporting someone like this, and it sounds like your bank balance can't keep taking the hit. All relationships work on some sort balance and it doesn't sound as if there was any here.

    I understand that when you're in a relationship you want to see each other and do fun things together but if he didn't have the money then could you not have cooked for each other at home or spent time doing other free or cheap activities? Did he come to you asking for small loans or did you offer? Because you're both still young, he shouldn't expect you to have the money to bail him out when he's not got enough.

    If you really do want to make things work with him though I think you need to have a really serious discussion about how things are going to change because it isn't fair for you to always be the one providing the money.

    Hope this helped!

    Lals x

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Lals

      Because I work in a bar I finish work at 11:45 to midnight most nights and so I dont really want to cook and he only offered a few times and he isnt the best cook either so I would either eat at work or order myself a takeaway but he would always add his little order in.
      We would go out for walks and things like that but he would always prefer dinner or going to the cinema or just couldnt be bothered at all. His parents arent the most reliable of people when it comes to money and making sure he can have things so he would ask me to help him out and im his girlfriend and I have money so I would and never get it back.
      But then he did start work today now that summer is over..but this argument has been going on for months but I really do love him...

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Hollie

        How did it go when you dropped his stuff off?

        Let us know how you feel about it today.

        glenn

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi Hollie

          ​That sounds like a really difficult situation you were in and it is completely understandable that you chose to end things.

          ​How did it go seeing him today? I hope it went well and you were able to talk about things.

          ​As for ending it too soon, I think it all depends on how you feel about him and if you really want to be with him. Does he make you happy?
          ​If this was the only issue, now that money is not an obstacle perhaps you can build a better relationship together again?

          ​I'm sure that now he has a stable job and money, he may start to understand the importance of it and understand the reasons you had for ending it. He may not have realised the impact it was having on you before and the value of money.
          ​I know that at that age I didn't realise until I had my own job and responsibilities.

          ​I hope you both manage to work it out, whether that's deciding to part on good terms or embark on a relationship together.

          ​-PositiveAura

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey there Hollie!

            Thanks for writing in, break-ups are always difficult and confusing! All relationships are a two-way street. It isnít fair for one person to be carrying the whole load in terms of finances and paying for dates, etc. Did you talk to him when you dropped his stuff off? Maybe he did not realize his lack of financial stability was affecting you? Communication is an important key in dealing with concerns. Some people find it easier to split up the finances by creating a plan of paying for things. For example, switching off between the two of you for dates (you pay for one date, then he pays for the next date, and so on). You can check out some more tips on this article "My boyfriend/girlfriend is broke"!

            Hopefully this helped! And I hope to hear back from you soon!

            -Vidhya

            Comment


            • #7
              hi everyone,
              thanks for all the advice.

              I really wasn't coping with the breakup, drinking alot of alcohol and not sleeping or eating. On the day he was supposed to get his stuff he text me and I just everything slip about how I was feeling and he was the same as me.
              So we talked and we are basically together and he helps pay. We went for dinner tonight and he paid me back for his meal and understands.
              I am going to be taking it slow with him though to see how things go.

              -Hollie xx😗

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi Hollie,

                Glad to hear you worked things out, I'm sorry you weren't dealing so well with the break up. I hope you feel better about the relationship now and that you feel that there's more of a balance.

                If you ever feel anything isn't working and would like some more advice or support then don't hesitate to get back in touch, we'll be here.

                Best of luck though.

                Lals

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Hollie

                  ​I'm sorry that you were badly affected by the break-up and also that the other person was too.

                  ​But it sounds like you have both really communicated well and sorted through everything. It is great to hear that things are going better and you are both in a better place together. It sounds like the issues that were happening before have been resolved and both of you are learning from what happened before. This always builds a relationship to become much stronger and more equal.

                  ​Like Lals mentioned, if you need any advice or support in the future, you know where we are.

                  All the best!

                  -PositiveAura

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi Hollie

                    I'm glad you both managed to get some stuff off your chests with a positive outcome! Just like others have said, we're here for you and we wish you all the best! Feel free to chat anytime :D

                    ~Kaze

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