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Support Circles on Sundays

Hey everyone,

We're going to be running support circles once a month on a Sunday! At the moment they run on Tuesdays, but for one of those Tuesdays, each month they will be running on a Sunday instead.

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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Long Distance Relationships: Yay or nay?

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  • Long Distance Relationships: Yay or nay?

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    ​Hi everyone!

    ​So the world is such a big place and technology is everywhere, so we all meet people in different ways and in different places.

    ​But geography can sometimes get in the way of relationships, whether that's family, friends or romantic.

    ​I think romantic long distance relationships can be the most conflicted as it can be a struggle to form something honest, fulfilling and happy with someone that may be across the world. And you have to choose whether to commit or not.
    Just the though of this can put some people off, but what if you are missing out on someone and something really special?

    ​I do have a little personal experience here with my partner, but I wanted to see what your experiences were. Is anyone currently struggling with a long distance relationship? Or do you have any advice you can give others?

    ​Personally, I think that communication is key. There is SO much out there such as Messenger and Skype where you can connect with each other and this is really important.

    ​Then there's trust. Something which I think comes with healthy communication.

    ​And finally excitement.​ Actually wanting to see each other is vital. You need to enjoy your time together and arrange dates/video calls/visits whenever possible. Making it special means that the wait and distance is filled with excitement rather than longing.

    ​Those are just a few things that I believe can help a long distance relationship, and I am on the side that definitely think that they are worth it. So long as there is mutual respect, dedication and love.

    ​But what are some of your thoughts/experiences?

    ​Are you a yay or nay?

    -PositiveAura

  • #2
    Hey PositiveAura,
    I myself don't have experience with long distance relationships, but I do have the wonderful experience of watching my older brother and his girlfriend's relationship blossom. If a couple can make it work than i'm all for the yay!

    I agree with you on the communication. with technology today it is so easy to stay in touch with each other! my brother and his girlfriend use skype mainly when they are both at home, and talk through Facebook messenger while at work etc.( they seem to enjoy posting their convos on facebook and its kinda cute to see how the talk with each other ) i think date nights over the internet are important too, being able to both sit on skype and watch the same movie etc.

    I also feel, being able to physically see each other, is important. In my brothers case this isn't a problem as they both have money to travel and at least see each other in person 3 times a year! He has been to america a few times and she has been to the UK once and will be coming again soon and they plan to go to Paris. I suppose its alright when you have the money and time to be able to travel. i'm sure it would be hard when travelling to see each other can be a challenge?

    Talking to other long distance couple helps i feel. there is actually a website fpr long distance couples are able to share their stories and experiences, I feel this is a positive and helpful in a long distance relationships because it gives you the chance to meet others, ask for advice, listen to other couples tips about making long distance work. I can't remember what the website is called, but they do cool things like have couple of the month, where their story gets shared. ( gone a bit off topic)
    I personally thing its important and positive to be able to speak to others in going through similar, there could be a lot of advice found etc.

    personally from watching my brother's relationship grow, they have been together for 4 years now. It's amazing to see how being in different countries and the affect of time zones, doesn't change how people can feel about each other. I think long distance relationships are a lot harder,but both sides working together is important.
    If you love someone right you aim to make it work right?

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    • #3
      Hey PositiveAura,

      I completely agree with everything you wrote! I think a lot of it also depends on the lifestyles that the two people lead. If there is a lot of time for one another then it could really work, but then if you're both in very different places in life with your career or studying, it could be really difficult. I guess if you're upset more than you are happy, it's good to consider if it's worth the tears and sadness

      Drea

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      • #4
        Hey PositiveAura,

        I was in a LDR for about three years and have just started a new one (don't know why all my relationships seem to be LDRs) but I can say that there are some great upsides but also some horrible downsides to them.

        If you're good at communicating then I think the relationship will be good whatever. A lot of the negatives bought about by being in a LDR will more than likely still be issues if you were together it's just magnified by the fact that you're not. It can be horrible not seeing each other but at the same time when you do get to see each other it feels like this big occasion and everything feels so special.

        They can be a lot of work, sometimes you might have planned to Skype one evening and you get home from school or work and you're just exhausted but I think it's important to try and keep your dates (whether it's over Skype or in person). The main issue in my unsuccessful LDR was that we didn't make enough time for each other, we often cancelled on each other and neither of us felt like we were a part of the other's life.

        For a successful LDR I have a few tips which may help anyone who's about to enter one or is struggling with one:
        - Try and plan at least one exciting/new thing to do together whenever you see each other.
        - Try and see each other as much as you can - if you can do once a month then I'd recommend doing that. I try do every three weeks for three nights at a time but I know that some people can't afford that or don't have time for that so a month should work just as well
        - If there's an issue then don't argue over text, tell your partner that you want to have a chat and schedule a call when you know you'll have time to really get into what's wrong and what you can do to sort it - you really don't want to go to bed on an argument, it feels crap and a bit scary not knowing when you'll be able to make up
        - Don't be afraid to get a bit sexy via text or Skype, some people find it frustrating not being able to do anything for a long period of time but sexy calls and texts can really help to liven things up and just make things a lot more exciting when you actually do get to see each other

        The main thing I learnt from my LDR is that trust is key and that can only really come from good communication. Try and stay a part of each other's lives as much as possible and LDRs can be absolutely fine.

        Best of luck to anyone in one. If anyone wants to talk about what it's like then feel free to get in touch!

        Lals

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        • #5
          Thanks everyone for all your responses, they have been very interesting to read.


          Meggles - That's so great to hear about your brother and his girlfriend. You're completely right about technology and it sounds like they have really embraced it! Though 3 times a year is still big breaks without one another but they are also travelling and experiencing the world together.
          Though you are right about the money aspect. Flights and trains alone can cost plenty and so I think this is why people have to save so much throughout the year to meet up.

          ​I also love what you said:
          It's amazing to see how being in different countries and the affect of time zones, doesn't change how people can feel about each other.
          It sounds like they have a lovely relationship and you can learn a lot from that. It's inspiring how you described their relationship! Like you said, if you love each other right, you can make it work.

          ​That website sounds great too! Again with technology, a good idea is to join these groups for advice and support when couples are apart.
          ​The Mix have a page here that you can read all about tips and tricks actually, with more specific links at the bottom:

          http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/long-distance-relationships-2943.html​


          Drea - Very true. It's not always to overcome those things and I think that in every relationship you have to be in the right place. And then when you add in time for each other, scheduled time to talk and all the travel to meet you can't always make it.

          ​I agree with your point about it being worth it. I actually say this for most relationships. If you are more unhappy than you are happy it might be time to let go. And in the long run, you may be able to make it work in the future when timing is right and you are in similar places in your lives...both mentally and actually physically!


          Lals - Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us and all your tips. It's good to hear that you are still open to LDRs after being in one, because the world is so big and we can't help where somebody else who we feel a connection to lives, right?!

          ​It sounds like you were both busy and I can understand how hard it is to keep schedules in time with another person who is miles away from you. But 3 years is a long time and so you guys really committed to it which is really important. I completely agree with all your points about communication. It really is key. Even being in a relationship living around the corner from someone, without good and honest communication you can never know what the other person is really thinking, feeling or doing.


          ​Overall, LDR or not, we all have to find out what and who makes us happy, right? and then LDRs need extra communication and effort to make things extra special.

          ​-PositiveAura

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