Essential support for under 25s


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Expert chat: Enthusiastic Consent & Conditional Consent (Wed 21st February)

Hey everyone!

On Wednesday 21st Feb at 6.30pm, Sarah our expert, will be running an expert chat about Enthusiastic Consent and Conditional Consent.

Sarah is the co-founder of Scarlet Ladies, a community of women with the aim to destigmatise and normalise the conversation around female sexuality.

Suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after experiencing a number of traumas, including rape, Sarah is reclaiming her body by engaging in bodybuilding and powerlifting. Taking back control of her sexuality, she is currently remaining abstinent. Working and campaigning with other women for the sexual empowerment of women has been an integral part of her healing journey.

Come along and join us! Find out more here
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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you donít already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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Everyone turning against me

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  • Everyone turning against me

    So i have been struggling recently with things going on and now its got even worse with people making comments to me at training. I was feeling really low on Thursday and i ended up cutting for the first time again in over a year which i now feel is a massive set back for me. I knew it was stupid as soon as i did it.

    At training, people told me that i was attention seeking and that i should just kill myself and that if i did, no one would care or miss me. It made me feel really upset and i didn't know what to say to the people at the time so i just left the pool. I had to train again this morning but was running and so i wore a long sleeve top but they kept bringing it up and trying to see the cuts and make comments.

    i really dont know what to do anymore
    Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

  • #2
    Hi Esme,

    ​I am sorry you had to experience that it sounds horrible. Selfharm is defiantly not attention seeking. Are you able to talk to the people which said this to you about the way things actually made you feel? Do you have a coach which you train with?

    ​Hope to talk again soon, always here for you.



    • #3
      Hi Charly.

      I kind of lost it with them and then told them how it was making me feel but they didnt seem to care much at all. There is our coach but i wont be able to speak to him about it because he would then speak to the people who said stuff to me and i think it will be worse if that happens if im honest.


      Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


      • #4
        hi esme,

        ​Well done for talking to them though, even though it may feel like they didn't care hopefully this will make them stop. How you feeling at the moment.



        • #5
          It hasent made them stop. They have sent me messages on Facebook and said stuff this morning at training too. I just want to give up with it all.
          Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


          • #6
            I am really sorry that this hasn't made it stop are you able to block them on social media? You shouldn't have to give up and do you have anyone at training which its saying stuff to you at the moment.


            • #7
              Yeah if I wanted to I could I guess. I donít see the point in it because I will have to see them at training anyway so itís better to let them say what they want.
              Sorry for being so stupid about this. I donít know why itís getting to me this much.
              Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


              • #8
                Hey Esme,

                ​Really sorry to hear that you're going through this ​ I went through something similar in school where people noticed cuts and I tried to make up lies, but they all figured out I was self-harming. People just seem to assume it's for attention, but attention is really the last thing anyone in your situation wants.

                ​It's one of those things were people don't understand it unless they've been through it, so it's difficult for the people at training to know what you're going through. That said, the way they've reacted is awful, and I'm so sorry you've had to put up with them

                ​Are there any ways you've tried getting around the negative attention? Have they worked?

                ​Everyone gets over it eventually, hopefully these people will stop talking about it soon. The only advice I can give is to try to not react to it, because it sounds as though they're bullying you, and bullies feed off reactions. And I know how difficult it can be, but try and not let any of this stop you going to training or let it bring you down, because you deserve to do what you want and if the people at training are putting you off it, then really the problem is with them not you.

                ​You can always come on here for advice and support, so please do

                ​Hope things get better soon, and good luck with training!

                Tough times never last, but tough people do


                • #9
                  Thanks Aidan.

                  I just dont know what to do anymore to stop them so i am just letting them do what they want. I just dont see how them telling me to kill myself is making them happy. It just horrible. I really want to enjoy training but i cant at the moment because of what people are saying to me there. Its making me not want to go anywhere in case people notice and say something.

                  Hope you are okay?
                  Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


                  • #10
                    Esme your not being stupid at all and itís completely understandable why this has upset you, is a horrible thing for people to do.


                    • #11
                      Charlotte is totally right! It's an awful thing these people are doing and you're not stupid at all. I wouldn't want to go wherever people were like this to me either.

                      I'm not doing too badly now, nobody at college really knows what I'm like, thank you for asking
                      Tough times never last, but tough people do


                      • #12
                        I do feel stupid though because it was my choice to cut and so I brought this all on myself. To be honest I did think about what they said to me and I think they might be right. I donít have anyone to talk to apart from you guys here.
                        Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


                        • #13
                          Hey again Esme

                          Originally posted by Esme17 View Post
                          I do feel stupid though because it was my choice to cut and so I brought this all on myself. To be honest I did think about what they said to me and I think they might be right. I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from you guys here.
                          ​I'm really sorry you feel like this

                          Feeling like it's all your fault when it seems everyone is against you is so common You're not alone with those feelings. You don't need to blame yourself, it sounds as though these people at training who found out are belittling you and bullying you so so much. Their actions aren't your fault.

                          ​Many people here, and myself, struggle with self-harm every single day, and some days it's a one-sided battle that we just can't win. You just had one of those days. That isn't your fault. And you're really not stupid.

                          ​Always here if you want to talk,

                          Tough times never last, but tough people do


                          • #14
                            Hi Esme

                            I am so sorry you are going through this. A lot of the time people who have not had experience of cutting think that it is attention seeking, which is totally wrong, they just don't understand. I know it's so hard, but please try not to take to heart what they are saying... People make really stupid comments to make light of situations they don't understand sometimes. That said, it's completely unacceptable what they said to you and it is bullying. I completely understand why you're feeling low. Do you have anyone at training who don't join in with them, that you can hang out with?

                            Do you want to talk through what happened before training, you said you have been struggling with things recently? We're all here for you and we care. The Mix also has a free phone number if you want to talk, it's open from 11am-11pm 0808 808 4994

                            Really hope this gets better.

                            - Lucy
                            Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend


                            • #15
                              Hi Lucy307

                              Thanks for bothering to reply to me! They dont seem to understand that what they are saying is having an effect on me and making me feel worse. i am trying not to let it get to me but failing at that badly. I have to train with the guys because of ability levels so im not with my friends during training, only getting changed and after training.

                              What happened before is on another thread somewhere i think but basically i lost a friend to suicide and it was the third anniversary on Thursday which is what made me cut and started all this. I was also struggling with things going on with my dad but that is kind of sorted now we have had the results back so it should be fine (hopefully)!

                              Hope you are okay?

                              - Esme x
                              Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations


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