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Support Circles on Sundays

Hey everyone,

We're going to be running support circles once a month on a Sunday! At the moment they run on Tuesdays, but for one of those Tuesdays, each month they will be running on a Sunday instead.

This next Sunday support circle will be on 26 November. If you'd like to come along, (sign up by completing the form here )
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Chatwee Update

Update - There's been some technical difficulties launching Chatwee onto our website so we will not be moving to Chatwee on Thursday.

As soon as we fix this issue, we'll announce another date for launching. We're really sorry for the delay in Chatwee, thanks so much for your patience.
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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Canít please anyone

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  • Canít please anyone

    I feel I canít do anything right at the momnt.

    Itís my sisters birthday so my gran came over to give her the presents and then she started going on at me about university again. For some reason she hates that I am on my gap year and wanted me to go straight to uni and not go traveling like I am. This has already caused so many argument but today she was saying that she didnít pay loads for my education (she paid for me to go to a private school) for me to waste my life and do nothing. I tried to explain that I might go to uni next year but it didnít help and made it worse. After she left, my parents got annoyed at me saying it was meant to be a nice day for my sister and I have ruined it by arguing again. I didnít want to have the argument so I donít see why they are mad at me for it. I feel like Iím being pressured into going to uni and donít really know if it is what I want to do yet.

    Everyone expects so much from me and I donít have that much to give anymore. Everything has gone wrong.
    Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

  • #2
    Feeling like you can't control a situation even after giving it your best shot is a common struggle in life, and you're very brave for coming on here to seek help about it! I can see why the argument today hurt more than usual. Have you spoken to your sister or parents about the situation? Perhaps if you have a discussion out of the heat of an argument, you may be able to come to an understanding, and see where each other are coming from. You then might be able to work something out, so that maybe your family can explain the situation to your gran. It might be difficult at first, but try to keep the discussion non-accusatory and calm, so that no one feels like they must be defensive.

    It also sounds as though you feel a bit lost, which is what many people in the college to university transition feel; don't worry about it! At your age, try to make sure that what you do is right for you. Maybe consider joining The Student Room, if you haven't already, and ask around there what people think you should do. What it often comes down to is doing plenty of research to find what's right for you. Have you considered an apprenticeship? They're a growing area - you basically get paid to learn! Try to do some research on it, and maybe share your research with your family so that they can help you come to an informed decision. Make sure not to rule out apprenticeships just because of the stereotype that they're for less academic people - you can actually work your way to a degree with some!

    Thank you again for posting, I hope this helped a little!
    The UK's biggest student community. Boost your grades, learn with free study tools, find your perfect uni place & get answers to any question on the forums.

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    • #3
      Hey Esme

      It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment! Sorry to hear this is happening on top of everything else, it sounds like you really didn't want to argue that day. It can be really frustrating when family members start to question or put pressure on the choices you make. What your gran might not realise is that what you're doing taking a gap year is totally normal and actually advisable when you aren't sure what you want to do. I found even when I talked through the idea of a gap year with my parents they didn't get it at all - I think it might seem like a waste of time to them because they didn't get the option to take one themselves (therefore why should you?). Usually because our parents/grandparents want what's best for us and have high standards for us, they default to thinking uni is this magical place that every person goes to and comes out with brains, charisma and a fantastic job (when you can get all of the above without going, too...). Remember it's your life, and it's your choice what you do with it - you're the one that has to live it! Do you have any thoughts of what you'd possibly like to do instead, that you'd like to chat about?

      There's quite a helpful article here http://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-st...sity-2088.html weighing up pros and cons and directing you to more help on your choice of what you do next. Let us know what you think?

      - Lucy
      Last edited by Lucy307; 30-10-2017, 07:17 PM.
      Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey Lucy.

        I donít feel like Iím going through a lot. I just feel that there are a few things going on at the moment that keep going in circles and Iím stuck in the middle of them all and donít know how to make anything better. I have also learnt that keeping things to myself isnít helping me at all either!!

        My dad is actually supporting my decision In taking a gap year because he thinks it will be good for me but my gran is making it hard and itís causing arguments between them two as well as me which is what I hate seeing. I donít see what I can do to make my gran happy because itís not what I want to do yet.

        To be honest I have no clue what I want to do and itís stressing me out. Most of my mates have went to uni and know what career they want to do and I have no idea what I want. All I know if that I want it to be something to do with sport maybe?
        Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

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        • #5
          Hi Esme

          It sounds like youíre doing exactly what you want to do right now but itís not what your gran wants you to do. Itís hard to please her when she wants something different to what you want. Itís also hard to work out what you want to do with the pressure of not upsetting the people that are important to you.

          Sport can be the start of doing many different things, I donít know why but I want to say what do you want to do next? not what do you want to end up doing. This journey can be windy and eventful, we might know the direction but hardly ever where weíll end up. Iím sure youíll choose the right thing for you at the time and I doubt this will be the last time doing something for you annoys someone else, you deserve to be heard and your opinion valued too.

          Let us know how you get on.

          Glenn

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          • #6
            Thanks @Glenn

            I think I do want to go to uni but Iím not sure when and if Iím ready. I feel I should be ready because Iím 19 and most of my friends have went or are in their second year but for some reason I donít feel I could handle it at the minute.
            Iím just going to travel and try and work things out this year and maybe go next year to make everyone happy.

            Esme
            Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

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            • #7
              Iím not suggesting you should go or not, but why donít think you could handle it at the minute?

              Comment


              • #8
                I donít really know why I donít think I could handle it. It just doesnít seem exciting to me and I feel that I would find it too hard
                Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations

                Comment


                • #9
                  It definitely is lots of hard work, hard work and not exciting doesnít sound like a good combination.

                  One day something may interest you, I imagine like how travelling is interesting you right now.

                  Glenn

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