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Vanilla features: have your say

As we move to our new boards software, Vanilla, we'll have a few new features at our disposal. We're keen to hear what you all think about them, so head here to have your say over how we'll use (or not use) some of the new features. Fill out the form before Wednesday the 21st to tell us your thoughts and have the option of joining our testing team!
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The Great Boards Migration

Great news! We're moving to new discussion boards software. Head here for the full announcement.
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Post of The Month

One-in-a-million is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Just a bit of fun here if you could create an advent calendar what would you put in it and why.

For me you would still get chocolate 😆😆
But inside each door is a task for the day. Something that includes you helping/talking to others, doing something festive and spreading Christmas cheer
For example

1. Tell your parents/carers you love them
2. Say hello when passing an OAP (that might be the only thing someone says to them all week)
3. Watch a Christmas movie
4. Help someone in need e.g put some spare change in a charity box, buy a warm drink for the homeless person who sits on the corner, dothe washing up ha ha ha😂
5 make hot chocolate
6. Visit your grandparents (if you don’t already) They will more than likely love to see you.
7. Sing a Christmas song with a friend
8. Dress up in something Christmasy when you do your shopping.

You get the idea 😂😉 my reason for this is to get people in the mood and understand what Christmas actually means.

What would yours have and why."
(Click for full post )
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Don't know what I am supposed to do with myself

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  • Don't know what I am supposed to do with myself

    Recently I have lost my dog as we had to have her put down. She was amazing. I could've lost my brother to a rare medical condition. He had a paraduadernal? hernia. If the doctors hadn't seen it, he could've died. I could also lose my nan soon to cancer. It is the secondment time she has had cancer after being cancer free for twelve years. She had it before I was born. My aunt died seven years ago on May 5th 2010.

    It has all been staking up and I have been thinking of some things that I shouldn't be thinking about. Such as my own death. If anyone else has any advice for me, it would be very much appreciated. Thx

  • #2
    Hey Zozo,

    I'm so sorry to hear you have had experiences of family illness and losing loved ones. It sounds like you have been through a lot. It's totally normal your mind would be in overdrive at the moment. Do you want to talk through what you have been thinking about?

    There's a really good article here which talks about the range of emotions we go through after a bereavement, this also mentions a free support line run by a specialist grief charity called Cruse if you want to talk things through on the phone.

    We're also here to listen, though

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend


    • #3
      Hi Zozo

      I must admit I am curious about what you have been thinking about, particularly the bits you feel you shouldn’t be thinking about. For me the taboos in life are the things I want to think about the most.

      What’s been on your mind?



      • #4
        I am so sorry to hear that you have experienced lots of bereavement in your life recently, that is never nice for anyone to deal with. It can often be a really frustrating and confusing thing death, and i'm not surprised you are going through a rollercoaster of emotions.

        I think in times of death, the people who can be the most comforting to talk to is your family and close friend. Especially if in your case, they have lost someone close to them also. Try and talk to close family to tell them how you are feeling about the deaths, and your anxiety about your grandma. It is likely that they are feeling similar, or worrying that you are feeling sad but don't know how to bring it up! Definitely do not suffer alone or in silence, seek support from those around you who are there for you and love you

        All the best


        • #5
          Hey Zozo575

          ​First of all, here...

          ​I can't imagine how you are feeling, I am sorry to hear all that you have been through. It is hard to understand life sometimes but you've done the right thing to come on here to talk about how you are feeling. That is ones of the hardest things to do but something that can help so much.

          ​Sometimes we can feel everything build up and consume us but letting it out is so important for this.

          ​Is there someone close to you that you could speak to about how you are feeling? Especially like Dusky94 suggests, and they knew them or have been in the same position.

          As hard as it is to remember, the people that you have lost and those around you all want you to be happy in life. The most difficult thing is to think of positive memories but talking about good times in the past is one of the most healing things to do. This might seem impossible to do, but over time this can become easier and help us heal.

          ​When you can any thoughts that you don't want, it is important to find an outlet for this or something to take your mind off it. This could be anything from sitting down and getting immersed in a book, colouring and painting or listening to music. I know that this may be hard to get yourself to do but once you start it can help clear your mind and focus on something else. Personally, I like to put a chill mix on and colour! There's no words to distract me in the songs and there's nothing else around me so I don't feel busy, confused or overwhelmed. Do you think anything like this could help take your mind off things? Try and think about the things you love doing. Hobbies and our passions in life can really help bring our spirits up. Even if you think you don't have any, it can be the smallest thing. Even a film.

          Lucy307 has given you some great links above. If you feel that you need to talk to someone immediately, don't hesitate to contact the Samaritans on their 24-hour helpline to talk things through.

          I hope some of this helps. We are all here to listen on The Mix.

          Oh go on then, have another...



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