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Support Circles on Sundays

Hey everyone,

We're going to be running support circles once a month on a Sunday! At the moment they run on Tuesdays, but for one of those Tuesdays, each month they will be running on a Sunday instead.

This next Sunday support circle will be on 26 November. If you'd like to come along, (sign up by completing the form here )
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Chatwee Update

Update - There's been some technical difficulties launching Chatwee onto our website so we will not be moving to Chatwee on Thursday.

As soon as we fix this issue, we'll announce another date for launching. We're really sorry for the delay in Chatwee, thanks so much for your patience.
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Post of The Month (September)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Shaunie,

​I care. I really relate to what you have been experiencing with the house falling apart, and things not getting fixed due to general shame of the state of the house and not knowing where to begin fixing things or who to contact (you don't want to come across rogue tradesmen). Not even having adequate heating and hot water. And clutter. Everywhere. It's horrible to live in such circumstances, I know. It's hard as well when you see everyone else living a 'normal' life and yet being unable to talk about your situation."
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Weird feeling after sex?

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  • Weird feeling after sex?

    This is something I've always noticed about myself but never really spoke about.. basically, if I'm with a girl then everything is cool before and during sex, but as soon as sex is finished I feel a mix of claustrophobia (sp?) and sickness.. as if I have to get away from that person.

    It only lasts 5-10 minutes but in that space of time I feel absolutely nothing for that person I've just slept with.. be it a one-night thing or a long term girlfriend, it feels the same every time. I can't bear to be touched, make conversation or cuddle.

    Even though it's only a short space of time it really is freaking me out and I find it's getting worse as I get older. I mean let's be fair, how would you feel if the person you just had sex with didn't want to know you as soon as it was finished? Although I find after 5-10 minutes things gradually go back to normal and carry on how they were before sex.

    Does anyone else get this? Or (I know I'm taking a big stab in the dark with this one) does anyone have ANY idea why I'm feeling this way after?

  • #2
    Hi Aspire,

    It sounds like you are worried about the impact your feeling of distance after sex might have on a partner.

    You might find it helpful to look at this article on post sex etiquette which might reassure you that some of
    the way you are feeling is down to your body's chemistry.

    Whilst the way people behave after sex differs, remember it's normal to feel this way, as long as you communicate to the person you are with that it's nothing personal.

    If youre still really worried about this, perhaps you could make an appointment with your GP to talk about this further.

    Hope this helps
    I could have been a famous singer, if I had someone else’s voice...


    • #3
      Phew, cheers mate. I thought the lack of replies obviously confirmed I was a freak haha.


      • #4
        I kinda get that... I wouldn't go as far as not even wanting to be touched, cuddled or talked to...I don't mind them cuddling me or whatever I just don't put anything into it because for a short time after sex I just don't really care....I don't resent them I just don't feel passionately about them, I'll still hug them and not have a problem with it, but it's only to keep them happy.
        Yes I'm on the dance floor, fuck that cool shit!


        • #5
          Feeling detached after shagging is normal for guys, especially if it's just lust.
          Narrow souls I cannot abide,
          There's almost no good or evil inside.


          • #6
            Originally posted by Aspire
            This is something I've always noticed about myself but never really spoke about.. basically, if I'm with a girl then everything is cool before and during sex, but as soon as sex is finished I feel a mix of claustrophobia (sp?) and sickness.. as if I have to get away from that person.
            I get that feeling, too, always have. Claustrophobic is an excellent way of describing it.

            I'm not sure if it's hormonal, I think it might be. Personally, I always kind of put it down to having been as close to - and intimate with - a person as I possibly can be, and then needing a little space afterwards to pull myself back together and gather my thoughts. Or something like that. I'm a lot better about it now, but there were times in the past where suddenly this person who I'd been so attracted to minutes before was suddenly repulsive and I would've legged it if possible (and no, it's nowt to do with the beer goggles wearing off ).

            This isn't much help, I can't explain it, but you're definitely not the only one who feels this way.


            • #7
              Originally posted by Spliffie
              Feeling detached after shagging is normal for guys, especially if it's just lust.
              Yeah, there is pretty common - I always felt something like that, maybe not to the point of feeling sick, but know what you mean. Never been really sure what to put it down to, maybe just needing a little space for 5 minutes after something as intensive as that, but I never really let it bother me anyway...
              Everything you know is wrong...


              • #8
                Briggi & Luke - I think you've both hit the nail on the head.. a little bit of space is definitely the answer. Probably has got something to do with all the hormone & testosterone levels all over the place. From now on when the deed is done I'm just gonna say "Cup of tea?" My kettle takes at least 5 minutes

                Violette - What the other person thinks about it plays a big part for me too, I just really hope someone doesn't take it the wrong way and thinks that the reason I'm quiet is down to their performance. Still, if I'm in the kitchen she can't get that impression!


                • #9
                  Even with long term girlfriends (i.e. a year and over) that I have really cared about, I too have had something like this, whereby straight after all I want to do is put my clothes back on and get on with the rest of the day. I don't usually want to lie there doing nothing, it makes me feel guilty or bad.......... but I have no idea about what

                  Sometimes straight after, I want a bit of time to myself - awful I know, and this is an indictment on me not the other person; I hate myself for feeling that way and I can't explain why I do. I have no idea.


                  • #10
                    my ex did that before but he never said why, i thought he was just using me for sex but maybe he felt like that...
                    make sure you tell the other person how you feel or they may feel unwanted/used as girls normally like to have a cuddle or somthing after sex
                    ~Soften the kiss and take me out alive~
                    --I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head--


                    • #11
                      I've felt this with the vast majority of my sexual partners. The majority of the people I've slept with have been men, and in all of those cases I remember feeling that sense of claustrophobia afterwards. The same applies to all but my first encounter with women too.

                      Just to add a different dimension to it all, I've found that feeling sort of "building up" when I'm having sex with men, from about halfway through. I find that the initial drive, that sexual tension disappears very suddenly, and then I'm left thinking "what am I doing here?" I carry on all the same though - again, as others have said above, for the sake of the other person - and once it's all over I do my very best to get out of there as soon as I can. I suppose it helps that my relationships with men have been entirely sexual, I'm not sure how I'd react if I was in a relationship with the man.

                      Now, does that complicate things, or what?
                      Last edited by delta104; 21-12-2006, 02:53 PM.


                      • #12
                        I get that sometimes and Im a girl....


                        • #13
                          Ha! Not sure if we should be reassured by that or not!


                          • #14
                            Dear Aspire,

                            What you are going through is a very specific condition. It affects both men AND women (I am a woman and I get it). It is very much related to a condition called D-MER. D-MER is a condition where woman breastfeeding suddenly experience a drop in dopamine levels that causes that to feel 'homesick', 'guilty', 'disgusted', like they need to distance themselves from and escape what is surrounding them. I have never breastfed, but I get this same set of symptoms after sex. I cry, feel negative, 'homesick' and have to be motionless for a while and not be touched.

                            This D-MER related condition has not been officially recognised yet, but I hope this helps.
                            Don't listen to any nonsense like you are supposed to feel detached if its lust or that you have been sexually abused or anything. This is simply a chemical phenomenon.

                            I hope you get to read this.


                            • #15
                              It is a 3.5 year old message.


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