Sex with a new partner
You've met the person of your dreams and everything's going great. Now you just need to tackle the first time sex hurdle...gulp.
You’ve been out on a few dates, you’ve really clicked – maybe you’re even starting to fall in love. And tonight’s probably ‘the night’ as they’re staying over. You want everything to be perfect and you want to make the right impression. Stress much?
Calm your nerves down
Calm down now. Performance anxiety isn’t pretty, and it takes all the fun out of sex. In fact, too much anxiety might end up meaning there’s no performance at all, if you get the drift.
Take it easy, and lower your expectations. First-time sex with a new partner is more about exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know them better, rather than putting on a show and trying too hard to impress.
Are you both ready for sex?
What worked brilliantly with a previous sexual partner may not work now, but that’s no reflection on your prowess as a lover. Different people respond to different things, and finding out what can be half of the fun. Nerves can get in the way too, and sometimes it takes a while before someone can get naked and relax. If either of you are feeling too stressed, just take the pressure off; you don’t need to have sex there and then. Wait until you’re both sure that you’re ready.
If you’ve decided to go back to yours, and sex is on the cards, then a little preparation goes a long way. Make them feel special and comfortable. Tidy up a bit, have something good in the fridge for breakfast, and stock up on their favourite drink. Oh, and make sure you’ve got enough condoms, because running down to the late night garage with a hard-on or a hitched-up skirt is not a good look, and it kind of breaks up the mood.
If you’re going back to their place, be a good guest. Don’t make an automatic assumption that they want to have sex with you, and take your own condoms as well, just in case. You’ll get extra points for turning up on time, looking and smelling good. Let them know you’re having a good time and like their company.
Don’t expect it to be perfect
It’s only perfect in the movies. Nobody’s psychic. You have to tell one another what you like and want, and if you’re not enjoying something then don’t be scared to ask for something different instead. If you are pulling out all of the stops to please your new partner, make sure they make an effort to do something pleasurable for you too – there should be some give and take.
Keep a sense of humour at all times, and if you fall out of bed or get cramp in your toes then laugh it off instead of getting embarrassed or worried. Even if you cringe at the time, it could be something you both look back on later with a warm fuzzy glow.
“Remember the time when we…?”
Updated on 20-Nov-2015
How to be intimate after rape
Justyna Muller, a Senior Counsellor at Support After ...
Confused about sexual consent? Help is at hand.
The pressure on guys to sleep around
Is the number of people you've slept with affecting ...
How to come out
Come out of that closet, we're here for you!
Disability and sexual confidence
Having a disability doesn't mean you can't have a great ...