A guide to female masturbation

Wanking when you have a vagina can often feel like a mystery compared to willy wanking. Where are you meant to touch and what's meant to feel good? But it's not as complicated as it might seem. If you're struggling to get going, try out these nips and dicks... tips and tricks, sorry. Tips and tricks...

girl lying in bed with eyes closed looking happy

#1: Relax!

Be chill

Above all else, when navigating your own masturbation, just relax. It’s easy to say when you’re so focused on getting it right, but putting too much pressure on yourself will amount to no fun and certainly no orgasms.

Make sure you’re in the right headspace by practicing some self care beforehand. Go for a walk, have a bath or eat some good food. Wait until you have some time to kill, you’re alone in the house or your family/housemates are distracted (unless you love the thrill of possibly getting caught, you naughty devils) and then get comfy.

If you’re worried about being noisy then hide under a duvet to dull the vibrations if you’re using a sex toy and grab a pillow to cover any moaning.

Orgasms aren’t the be all and end all 

Adapt your mindset for your masturbation education. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that ‘ORGASM IS LIFE’ but it’s not helpful and will likely lead to zero orgasms. You should enjoy the whole experience of wanking – beginning, middle and end, if there is one. It should be fun to explore your body and what gets you off. If you nail that bit, you might just get a nice surprise.

Lube is your friend

Some people don’t need lube. They have enough moisture to quench the Sahara. But some need a bit of help to stick fingers up their fanny without it feeling like you’re rubbing against gravel and eroding your vaginal wall away. Do some research and experiment with different types of lube – water-based, silicone-based or oil-based – to find out which is best for you.

Sex toys are ok – just do your research 

Dildos and rabbits and fleshlights and bullets … there are so many sex toys out there and you’re so within your rights to try them out. Yes, it might feel super awkward shuffling around Ann Summers poking at plastic willies and getting a vibrating-related shock when you suddenly press a button you shouldn’t have but, well, they’re all there to be played with. Toys don’t have to be a replacement for your hands, but they can certainly help if you struggle to find the right rhythm or spot.

Also, we wouldn’t recommend using cucumbers and hairbrushes. It could be painful, unhygienic, and things could get a bit … hairy (sorry).

The clitoris is a wonder, but play around it too!

Speaking of the right spot, try to not focus all your attention on the clitoris or finding the sacred g-spot. Yes, those areas are super sensitive and often the key to an orgasm, but the rest of you deserves some attention too.

Plus, sometimes jamming your clit like impatiently trying to open the doors on a train can cause it to be over-sensitive and uncomfortable. Play with your whole vulva (that’s all the flaps down there), bum, boobs, and even legs damn it. Feel yourself. Find your erogenous zones – the areas of your body that are super sensitive. Your neck’s a good shout, but trying to kiss that yourself might be tricky.

You’re allowed to watch porn

Like sex toys, you don’t have to watch porn to masturbate. One can survive without the other. But it can help, and that’s fine!

Porn isn’t inherently bad. There’s just some questionable stuff out there. Most free websites can throw up some good porn if you search for specifics, but you can also Google some healthy, female-friendly porn too.

And don’t forget, porn doesn’t have to just be visual. You can read erotica too, or find a bunch of steamy photography.

GO FORTH AND EXPLORE!

Good luck, vulva-havers. No pressure, take your time, and have fun with your venture. Go feel yourself and appreciate your impeccable, impressive and utterly fabulous bodies.

Next Steps

  • Brook provides free sexual health and wellbeing services for young people in the UK. Brook's services include local clinics and online digital sex and relationships tool.
  • Do you want to understand your relationship better? Love Smart helps you work it all out.
  • Chat about this subject on our Discussion Boards.
  • Need help but confused where to go locally? Download our StepFinder iPhone app to find local support services quickly.

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masturbation

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Updated on 19-May-2017