I love my housemate

If you know what someone’s poo smells like and you STILL fancy them, then you've got it bad. But what should you do if you love your housemate? Ignore it? Ask them out? What if it goes wrong? Don't worry, we’re here to help.

Young people on sofa

It can be awkward if you fancy your housemate.

I love my housemate, but do they love me?

So one day it becomes crushingly obvious that you fancy your housemate. But do they have feelings for you? It can be hard to tell, but if you’re doing any of the following it’s highly likely.

  • You keep falling asleep in each other’s beds.
  • Neither of you are really dating anyone, and they clam up if you mention fancying/getting together with other people.
  • You send each other private messages away from your housemate’s Whatsapp group.
  • You’ve drunkenly hooked up at least once, but you’ve not talked about it.
  • You keep staying up late, just you two, talking into the night.

Do I tell them about my feelings?

It’s a tough one, and only you can make that decision. Ultimately you need to ask yourself these essential questions:

Can I still live with this person if they reject me?”

“Are these strong feelings, or is this just a passing crush?

What happens if we do get together but then break up?”

If it’s worth the risk, then pick a time when you’re both alone and simply tell them how you feel. Say you’ve developed feelings for them that are stronger than a friend/housemate, and were wondering if they felt the same. Let them know that you don’t expect an answer right away. They need time to go through the soul-searching that you had. But, whatever happens, they’ll appreciate your honesty.

If this feels too scary you could just drunkenly lunge at them – that way if it doesn’t go to plan you could always blame the alcohol.

They love me back! Yay! Now what do we do?

Congratulations! Housemate relationships can be amazing, as you already know each other so well. But things can get sticky here and there. Here are our top tips for making it work:

Try and take things slow: Hard, we know, when you’re already effectively living together. So set boundaries from day one. Have some nights to yourself, when you sleep in your own bed or just have alone-time watching what you want on your computer. Also, make sure you see friends separately and have separate nights out. Imagine what your lives would be like if you’d just got together and *didn’t* live together, and try and replicate that.

Let your other housemates know: They’ve probably heard you shagging and guessed anyway, but, for politeness sake, do let your other roomies know. A couple in a shared house can alter the dynamic of the house, so be respectful of their worries… and don’t snog on the sofa.

Talk about your living situation in the future: You want to be on the same page before your lease is up. Make sure you communicate about what you’re both expecting to happen in the future. Is it OK if you move into separate places for a while? Or would one of you take that personally? Couples tend to have conversations about what moving in together means to them BEFORE they end up living together. You may already live together by default, but that doesn’t mean you should miss out on these conversations.

What if I break up with my housemate?

Break-ups are hard enough without having to see your ex every single day. In an ideal world, you’d be able to handle the break-up in a mature way, negotiating how to share your space without crying/screaming/throwing plates. But break-ups can easily turn us into insecure, immature weeping messes. Your housemates won’t particularly appreciate being forced to pick teams. Unless you’re very mature people, one of you will probably have to move out. Read our advice on moving out and handling a break-up if you’re feeling a bit scared and sore.

Next Steps

  • Do you want to understand your relationship better? Love Smart helps you work it all out.
  • Chat about this subject on our Discussion Boards.
  • Need help but confused where to go locally? Download our StepFinder iPhone app to find local support services quickly.

Tags:

housemates

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Updated on 11-Dec-2015

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