How to masturbate if you have a vagina

A guide to masturbating when you have a vagina

A guide to wanking if you have a vagina

Wanking when you have a vagina can often feel like a mystery. Where are you meant to touch and what’s meant to feel good? Is it ok to masturbate?

Women can often be made to feel a sense of shame and embarrassment about masturbation and their sexual desire, whereas for men, wanking is more normalised and accepted. This is because some people hold the sexist belief that women shouldn’t express or explore their sexuality.

We’re here to tell you that no matter what your gender is, masturbation is normal and healthy. Read our guide to get started.

Be chill

Above all else, when navigating your own masturbation, just relax. Putting too much pressure on yourself will amount to no fun and certainly no orgasms. Read more about masturbation here.

Make sure you’re in the right headspace by practicing some self-care beforehand. Go for a walk, have a bath or eat some good food. Wait until you have some time to kill, you’re alone in the house, or your family/housemates are distracted (unless you love the thrill of possibly getting caught) and then get comfy. Read our guide to self-care for more tips on relaxing.

If you’re worried about being noisy then hide under a duvet to dull the vibrations if you’re using a sex toy, and grab a pillow to cover any moaning.

Orgasms aren’t the be all and end all 

Adapt your mindset to experimenting without a goal in mind. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that ‘ORGASM IS LIFE’, but it’s not helpful, and will likely lead to zero orgasms. You should enjoy the whole experience of wanking – beginning, middle and end (if there is one). It should be fun to explore your body and what gets you off. If you nail that bit, you might just get a nice surprise.

Find out more about having an orgasm.

Read up on masturbation myths here and watch Hannah Witton’s video below:

Lube is your friend

Some people don’t need lube, they have enough moisture to quench the Sahara. But some may need a little help getting wet. Do some research and experiment with different types of lube – organic, water-based, silicone-based or oil-based – to find out which is best for you. Educate yourself on lube here.

Sex toys are ok – just do your research 

Dildos and rabbits and bullets (oh my!)… There are so many sex toys out there and you’re within your rights to try them all out. It might feel a bit awkward shuffling around Ann Summers poking at plastic willies but, well, they’re all there to be played with. Toys don’t have to be a replacement for your hands, but they can certainly help if you struggle to find the right rhythm or spot.

Also, we wouldn’t recommend using cucumbers or hairbrushes. It could be painful, unhygienic, and things could get a bit … hairy (sorry).

Read more about sex toys here.

The clitoris is a wonder, but play around it too!

Speaking of the right spot, try to not focus all your attention on the clitoris or finding the sacred g-spot. Yes, those areas are super sensitive and often the key to an orgasm, but the rest of you deserves some attention too.

Plus, sometimes over-stimulating your clit can cause it to be over-sensitive and uncomfortable. Play with your whole vulva (that’s all the flaps down there), bum, boobs, and even legs damn it. Feel yourself. Find your erogenous zones – the areas of your body that are super sensitive. You could even use a mirror and watch yourself as you wank.

You can still masturbate if you’re having sex

Even if you’re having regular sex with a partner, or a fuck buddy, it’s still fine to explore your body on your own and find out what feels good. It could also make your sex life even better, as you’ll know exactly what you like – plus you can turn your lover on by telling them all about it.

Masturbation and porn

You might watch porn sometimes, and lots of people use it to get sexual stimulation, and to discover things about sex and their sexuality. The kinds of bodies that you see in porn can be very limited and are not an average representation of what most bodies look like. It’s important to remember this if you find yourself comparing your body and your vagina to what you see in porn.

The way people are treated in porn can also be misleading about the kind of sex you and others are “supposed” to have or to want. The way people are treated in porn can sometimes be violent or humiliating and might have nothing to do with how you or your sexual partners want to have sex.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch porn and it can also be done in a healthy and ethical way – Google some healthy, feminist-friendly porn to find out more.

And don’t forget, porn doesn’t have to just be about watching videos. You can read erotica too, or find a bunch of steamy photography.

Go forth and explore!

Go get exploring. No pressure, take your time, and have fun with your venture. Feel yourself and appreciate your impeccable, impressive and utterly fabulous bodies.

Next Steps

  • Brook provides free sexual health and wellbeing services for young people in the UK. Brook's services include local clinics and online digital sex and relationships tool.
  • Chat about this subject on our Discussion Boards.
  • Need help but confused where to go locally? Download our StepFinder iPhone app to find local support services quickly.

Tags:

masturbation

By Holly Turner

Updated on 13-Jul-2021