Boost your pulling confidence

Ditch that traditional British reserve, or the eight pints of Dutch courage, and pluck up some of your own.

group of women dancing in a club with drinks in their hands.

Going out with your girls can make you feel more confident.

Pulling with confidence is a skill that few people actually master. It’s more likely that we only try to chat up people we fancy when we’re pissed, or those we already know, such as our workmates.

Self confidence

Most of the time, we avoid making the first move because a nasty little negative thought pops into our mind at exactly the wrong moment. Here are some of the most common:

  • They will never fancy me
    Attractiveness is very much in the eye of the beholder. If you never approach that person you fancy, how are they going to get the chance to decide? So long as you are clean and wearing stuff that you’re comfortable with, what’s the problem? There’s a lot more going on here than physical appearances, and a good personality shines through. So what if you’re brunette and they only like blondes? It just means that person is shallow, not that you’re unattractive.
  • They might say no, or have a boyfriend/girlfriend already!
    True, you might not be their ideal partner, and they have a right to say no. But they could also say yes, and surely that’s worth taking the risk? Rejection is part of the dating scene, and it isn’t the end of the world – you just move on and meet someone else. As for them already having a partner, there’s no way you can tell in advance, so ask anyway.
  • I might make a fool of myself!
    You’ll have more luck if you’re pleasant and friendly, rather than flash or cheesy. Even if you end up feeling embarrassed, chances are that nobody else will even notice. If they say ‘no thanks’ nicely, then deal with it graciously and don’t start insulting them, it’ll only make you look immature and insecure. If the other person deliberately tries to embarrass you, they’ve actually done you a favour by letting you know that they have an attitude problem.

The body language of lurve

When it comes to body language every one of us speaks with a slightly different accent. Here are the basics, but when it comes to reading people for real be sure to look between the lines.

Reading him

Like your typical animal, a man on the make tends to preen himself – anything from checking his hair to his shirt cuffs. If sex is on his subconscious, so to speak, then his hands won’t be far from his genitals – i.e. on his hips or in his pockets. The crotch display is a bit of a male giveaway, especially when he’s seated, so if you find yourself faced with legs parted like the Red Sea you can be pretty sure he’s mentally undressed you already.

Reading her

Women are subtler than men. If she’s interested then you may see similar preening gestures, but also check out the way she’s looking at you. Holding your gaze, looking away and then glancing back is a signal you can’t afford to ignore. Also watch for the way she handles her wrists. Why? Because it’s a part of the female body that’s considered to be erotically charged. It’s a pulse point, after all, not to mention a prime target for perfume. Crossing and uncrossing the legs may also be a promising sign too, but it could just mean she’s busting to get up and away – so don’t take the signs too literally!

Be a friend

If you doubt your confidence or your social skills, don’t force yourself to go out on the pull. It isn’t everyone’s style, and if you are feeling down about yourself it could knock you back. Concentrate on being a bit more sociable, and making the effort to be friendlier. Most of us are shy, so it’s a big relief when someone else makes an effort and breaks the ice first. Getting talking to people in a non-sexy way is a perfect method for making new friends, and the more friends you have, the more likely you are to find yourself chatting to someone you fancy.


Next Steps


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Updated on 29-Sep-2015