Surviving Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day ain't all puppies and rainbows for everyone. If you cringe at the thought of getting all lovey dovey then The Mix has some alternative ideas for a romance-free V-Day.
If you’re with your friends
Hey, look, friendships can be just as valuable as romantic relationships. Anyway, what could strengthen a friendship more than celebrating the lack of love in your life together? You could make each other gangster rap and heavy metal mixtapes that contain absolutely no romance on them whatsoever.
Or get a group of you together to book out a whole restaurant to prevent happy couples from dining out. A great cockblock.
OR you could go a bit wild and have some sympathy sex that will ruin your friendship forever.
Well, okay, maybe not the last one. Although we do have some helpful content on ‘fuck buddies’ and friends with benefits, and even falling in love with your best friend if your cheeky fumble turns into a love tumble.
If you’re with your family
We hate to break it to you but parents can enjoy a bit of romance as well. So how do you spend the day hiding any hint of romance from any responsible adults in the house?
Candles? In the bin. Bubble bath? Down the drain. Barry White CD? Your new frisbee.
Oh, and if you’re one of the poor souls who still gets an anonymous Valentine’s Day card from their mum every year… we’re sorry. At least it’s better than nothing?
If both you and your partner hate V-Day
BINGO. It’s fate. They hate the smushy stuff too. You’ve clearly found the love of your life.
Even if you both hate Valentine’s Day, you may as well use the day as an excuse to go overboard on not giving a monkeys. Binge on a whole Netflix season, have a takeaway for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner, and spend the whole day being gross in your pyjamas. Don’t even bother brushing your teeth. Who cares?
If you’re away from your partner
This is sad and tricky. If you do like the sentiments of Valentine’s Day but have to be far away from your partner then that kinda sucks.
On a positive note, you can now get some good cheap deals on flights if you don’t mind battling Ryanair. The internet has also made the world feel a lot smaller for many people. You can FaceTime your partner having a poo in Australia. Imagine. The 21st century is wonderful.
But, if jumping on a plane or planning a surprise road trip isn’t an option, then maybe thinking of something better than ‘FaecesTime’ would be good. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of Skype sex, as long as you don’t mind the solo clean-up afterwards, or maybe you can go retro and write a real life physical letter to have shipped off to them.
For something extra special, websites such as Etsy have an array of cute, unique gifts for couples in long distance relationships.
If you, er, want to break up with your partner
There’s nothing worse than being in a failing relationship on V-Day. Breaking up with them on the day probably isn’t the best idea, but maybe you can use the day for some self-reflection. Decide on what you’re looking for in a partner or try and see if you can salvage your current relationship.
If you’re alone
The classic. If you’re feeling miserable at the thought of being on your own this Valentine’s Day, then how about you keep a look out for someone throwing out candles, bubble bath or a Barry White CD and have a lovely relaxing evening by yourself. If you’re feeling a bit more frisky, then how about a bit of self-love. Explore our content on masturbation and have a day to remember for years to come. No pun intended.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be full of either smooching and pet names or doom and gloom. There are a bunch of ways to occupy your time and you can probably think of better ones than the ideas we’ve come up with.
Don’t forget that you don’t have to buy into the day, you can spend it how you like, and relationships with your friends, and especially yourself, are just as valid to celebrate.
Updated on 09-Feb-2016
Photo by Shutterstock.
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