My crippling insecurity and my relationship

He loves me and says I am his soulmate and it is the best thing to hear EVER, but my damaged neurotic brain is ruining everything. I swear to God I want to be happy but I have a huge blockage of crippling unrealistic insecurity and I feel like it will be the death of us. Is it me? Is it him? What is it?!?!

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Hi, I am moving all the posts from the The Mix’s sister website Madly In Love to Your Voices.

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I have suffered for many years from depression and anxiety. I have been to therapy, been on medicine but I feel like that is not doing the trick for me. I have met partners in the past that have been terrible for me and some that have been very nice and understanding. I have come a long way from having moments of CRISIS to just crying and feeling bad for myself. So that is definitely a relief when I think about it. I feel antidepressants make it worse for me and therapists can only do so much. I have a family that is against the aspect of mental health. They think I should just suck it up or try to use “tough love” tactics on me. WRONG way to try and make someone sad and down to feel better.

I have had very few friends that have been very helpful (my best friend is a therapist) I have had very few romantic partners that have been supportive (they say they are understanding but when shit gets real… they dismiss or minimize or take it personal and clam up or cop out)

I am currently in a relationship with a smart successful man. He is sensitive for a man and is supportive when the moment is right. He often tries tough love techniques on me or the cold therapist approach such as “I am not feeding into your behaviour” or “you need a therapist” or “I am not kissing your ass” I feel like a lot of my moments of insecurity and sadness are really easy to diffuse. I have given him several ways to help me out, but he chooses not to use them. I can’t help but think are we right for each other? Is he making my insecurity worse?

I feel loved by him most of the time, but there are days that go by where we are just a mess and I am so unhappy (mostly my depression causing the unhappy….I think?) He also makes me feel inferior and that I am childlike by telling me stop acting like a brat and lecturing me instead of loving me.

I am feeling a struggle, I want him to be my loving partner but I feel he is not capable because he has such little tolerance.

This post was written by thestruggleisreal and originally appeared on The Mix’s sister website Madly In Love.

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