The Ultra Sexual

I don't know if an ultra sexual categorization is ridiculous or if it could be a real possibility, but it's the concept of control that works for me.

Ever since I was a kid I had to convince myself I was straight due to the social expectations of ZA WARUDO (The world). This caused an uproar later when I started to have alternative concepts about my own sexuality. I never got to fully experiment with sexual feelings with other human beings, as I was never in relationships. However, I did get the concept of sexual stimulation towards the age of adolescence. I began to identify as bisexual with the usage of percentages; I found myself more sexually aroused by females than males, a ratio of around 8:2. However, I began to switch my attitudes so many times that I eventually abandoned the concept of bisexuality altogether, going even above Pansexuality.

I guess the the big question being asked is "What on earth is Ultra-sexuality? Are you making a meme?"

To answer this we must think about the concept of sexuality. What drives us to think as human beings resides in the mind and the brain. To have no mind would mean death of literal existence. Due to this, sexual desires are formed of the mind, whether subconsciously or not. With the mastery of the mind, one achieves ultra sexual. This is why I classify myself as an ultra sexual. I do not form of society's simple objectification. I believe my preferences can fluctuate similar to the idea of gender fluidity. The idea of sexuality is also a thin line in society as the concept of love is usually deemed the factor of discovery. However, I began to differentiate my feelings of eros with actual love. In time I destroyed the romantic coating in myself due to being a proud outlier of a human being in ZA WARUDO (The world). However, I feel that I have the control over my desires to which sexuality I see fit. I can go on to percentages but that would take too long.

What I do not understand is the social stigma of certain sexualities. It still boggles me as we are meant to be an advanced civilization in the 21st century and the mere concept of everyone having to be of one societal norm, such as heterosexual, would cause me to plunge into existential depression simply because it would be so boring. Oh of course, there's a story that needs to be told. To elaborate, I do not fully understand the turning point of my life in which I began to become completely ultra sexual. However, I began questioning myself as early as the 4th grade. The period from the 6th grade to the 10th grade was full of my 'id' kicking in as I continuously had crushes on female students I shared classes with. However, the important breaking point was realising that the desires I had for the students were disguised in my brain as true love. In hindsight, it was not love but instead raw sexuality and primal urges. The roaring eros and desire for sex had taken over my mind. I could leave it at that and consider myself fully straight, but that wouldn't be me. I am not heterosexual.

I explored the connotations for homosexuality throughout my secondary education. To this day, I find it difficult thinking in a 'dual-minded' way and being absolutely tolerant of homosexual thoughts, imagery and connotations in my speech. This dual-thinking became more frequent when I was in the 8th grade. I was never outright accused of being a homosexual, probably because I wasn't a homosexual at the time but more heterosexual. Around the 9th and 10th grade I began to think of myself as bisexual, and it was around the second half of the 10th grade when I began to cease my feelings of 'love' for students. I stopped having crushes and I detached myself from other human beings. I felt that my sentient state was rising above the norm of human possibility, and this was when I began to discover myself as an individual who had control of my destiny. In short, I branded myself an ultra sexual because I felt I had the power to control my emotions. To this day I do not reject the concept as my theory of control over the mind seems to make sense.

There wasn't a big coming out moment for me, but I don't think of coming out as a heroic grand gesture. I am simply an individual who is an ultra sexual, it's nothing special. If I had the opportunity to tell everyone at one, I would tell the whole world that I'm an ultra sexual.

Published on 18-Feb-2017

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