This article was written by Mia Barnes. Mia is a health and wellness freelance writer with expertise in self-care and mental health. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of the online publication, Body+Mind magazine.
Being kind to others can feel natural, but extending that same attitude to yourself may be more challenging. Many young adults struggle to build self-compassion and boost their self-esteem, which remain as important as ever for peace of mind.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is all about supporting yourself with love and kindness. A survey found that 53% of British adults who practice self-care aim to enhance their mental and emotional well-being.
However, true self-compassion means being nice to yourself when things go well and when life goes sideways. You might punish yourself harshly when you make work mistakes or face embarrassment at school, and your brain constantly bringing up these things only makes it worse.
The power of self-compassion
It’s best to build up self-compassion while you’re young, as this attribute can be the difference between positive and negative emotional health. Here’s what you can achieve when focusing on this goal:
- To make peace with your past: Holding onto trauma, perfectionism and more can make you resentful. Practising self-compassion can teach you to accept what occurred and move on for your own sake.
- To keep your present self-esteem up: A poll found that only 29% of Brits think their self-esteem is high. It’s natural not to be at your best all the time, but it can be a disservice to yourself to lower your self-worth.
- To build up your future resilience: Life has its ups and downs that will test you. Self-compassion can help you power through and adapt without putting yourself down.
Ways to exercise self-compassion
Harnessing the power of self-compassion takes hard work and change. Here’s a guide to help you in your journey.
1. Recognise and shift your self-talk
One obvious sign that you’re lacking self-compassion is when you practice negative self-talk. Recognise when you start thinking phrases like “you’re worthless” or “you’re never good enough” and pause.
The first step is to refute these thoughts that talk you down. Replying back to your inner voice with “That’s not true, because I actually accomplished this goal” or “I think you’re being too hard on yourself today” is a great start to counter your negativity.
Once you’ve switched to neutrality, you can then start to practice positivity. Try to use the gentle language you’d use with someone you love.
2. Practice kindness toward your body
Your body can be the easiest to punish when you’re lacking self-compassion. This self-destruction is especially the case when you’re one of more than a third of adults who struggle with their body image.
However, it’s important to notice that your body is a vital part of who you are. It helps you experience all the beautiful things within the world, and you shouldn’t deprive it of its needs:
- Eat regular meals: Avoid skipping your breakfast, lunch and dinner. Aside from feeding your body, you’re feeding your self-love and soul.
- Practice self-hygiene: Remember to take showers and brush your teeth when you’re able. It might just be the reset you need.
- Learn to lie down and rest: Forcing yourself awake does no one any good. Allow yourself to relax and get a good night’s rest when possible.
3. Cut yourself slack for mistakes
Say you were late to a friend’s birthday party. It’s easy to beat yourself up for it, even if they forgive you for the incident. These vulnerable moments are the times that require the most self-compassion.
Acknowledge that you made a mistake and the circumstances that surrounded it. If you were late because you overslept, pledge not to do it again. Finally, forgive yourself and try to understand that you might have just been tired from recent events.
4. Make peace with your emotions
Processing your emotions can be hard when you’re still learning self-compassion, but it can be a great opportunity to get to know yourself. For example, if you’re feeling angry, try to think about who it’s directed at and why you’re feeling this way. Contemplating these feelings rather than burying them in the back of your mind is already a great step.
Remember — some of these emotions are warranted. Whether they’re positive or negative, they’re all a part of you.
5. Connect with compassionate people
Being around people who self-sabotage can be quite hard, especially when you try to help them, but they fall into the same pattern. However, you may start to realise you’re adopting the same self-sabotaging measures to salvage the relationship. Look for people who truly care for themselves and look up to them as an example instead.
6. Practice affirmations
Positive affirmations can be a great exercise to condition yourself into recognising your self-worth. Plus, it can help improve your well-being and minimise stress. State “I want to grow into a version of myself I’ll be proud of” and other phrases you wish to manifest. You can also try to look for phrases that make sense for who you are and where you are in life.
7. Treat your inner child
Caring for your inner child and indulging them in the things they haven’t experienced or received is also a key form of self-compassion. Allow yourself to do or get something you’ve always wanted. It may bring back a part of you you hadn’t noticed was missing.
Take care of yourself
You’ll spend plenty of time alone at different stages of your life, so it’s important to give yourself grace and kindness as you grow. Build that self-compassion, and nothing should be able to slow you down.
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