This article was written by Ese, 20.
Every now and then, we reach a moment of clarity. A point where we realise, This isn’t working anymore. I can’t keep living like this. Not from a place of defeat, but from a quiet, powerful knowing that something needs to shift.
In those moments, I’ve learned a crucial truth: change starts within. We can change jobs, environments, or routines, but unless we address the mindset, wounds, and habits we carry, we’ll find ourselves repeating old patterns in new places.
The uncomfortable in-between
Growth often means outgrowing people, places, and even versions of ourselves. While transformation sounds empowering, what’s rarely talked about is the in-between. That strange space between who you used to be and who you're becoming.
It’s the part where everything feels unfamiliar. The new version of you is still forming, and you don’t fully recognise them yet. Meanwhile, the old version feels safe, even if it no longer serves you. You question yourself constantly...
Am I doing the right thing? Should I just go back to what I know?
This stage is full of uncertainty, self-doubt, and discomfort. But it is also where the real transformation happens.
Why letting go feels so hard
Letting go of what no longer serves you can feel like losing a part of yourself. That’s because comfort, no matter how unhealthy, creates familiarity. Whether it’s a routine, a relationship, or a coping mechanism, it becomes tied to our identity.
Stepping away from those things means stepping into the unknown. It requires trust in something you can’t yet see — your future self.
What you’ll have to release
Real transformation requires that we leave certain things behind, even things we genuinely care about.
- Habits that once soothed you but now keep you stuck
• People whose energy no longer matches your direction
• Thought patterns that once protected you but now limit your growth
• The version of yourself that clings to temporary comfort instead of long-term peace
In my own life, I realised I was chasing growth while still living in cycles that sabotaged it. I wanted peace, clarity, and freedom, but I wasn’t making the choices that aligned with that. The disconnect became impossible to ignore.
What change really looks like
Real change is rarely glamorous. Some days, you’ll want to quit. You’ll crave comfort, old habits, or familiar people. You’ll feel lonely and can’t reach out to the person who once filled the void. You’ll feel hurt and can’t resort to the thing that used to numb the pain.
These moments feel like failure, but they’re actually signs that you’re growing.
Because change happens in the small, daily choices.
Saying no to a toxic pattern.
Choosing a walk over a spiral.
Reaching for your journal instead of your phone.
Pausing before reacting.
These small actions build a new version of you — slowly, but surely.
Discipline as an act of self-love
One mindset shift that changed everything for me is this: discipline isn’t punishment. It is self-love.
When you see boundaries and consistency as ways of protecting your peace and honouring your future self, everything shifts. It’s no longer about restriction. It’s about care.
Loving yourself doesn’t always look soft or easy. Sometimes it’s choosing the hard thing now so your future self can breathe easier later. It’s saying, I deserve better than what I’ve been settling for.
Why the inner work matters most
We often talk about changing our lives, but forget that our thoughts shape our actions — and our actions shape everything else. If we don’t change the way we think, we will keep repeating the same patterns.
A lot of the frustration I used to feel wasn’t from external forces. It came from my own choices. The people I allowed into my space. The habits I kept. The environments I stayed in.
Life is unpredictable, yes, but much of what we experience stems from the decisions we make. That isn’t about blame. That is about taking back control.
What I wish someone had told me
Growth is not linear. It is not always exciting. Often, it is quiet, confusing, and deeply uncomfortable. You’ll second-guess yourself. You’ll have relapses. You’ll want to quit.
But that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.
You're not broken for finding it hard. You’re not behind. And you’re not alone.
Embracing the process
Change will be a constant part of your twenties and your life. The key isn’t to fear it, but to lean into it.
That uncomfortable space between who you were and who you’re becoming is sacred. It is where your identity is being rewritten and your values redefined. It is where real strength is built.
You may not see the outcome yet. It may feel slow, repetitive, or even pointless. But every time you choose differently and act with intention, you plant a seed. Those seeds grow into freedom, clarity, and the version of yourself you’ve been waiting for.
So if you feel stuck or uncertain, remember this: you’re not lost. You are becoming.
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