Gender dysphoria

What is gender dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria refers to the discomfort created from a mismatch between gender identity and biological sex. It can feel like a disconnect or uneasiness caused by gender-related aspects of identity.

Gender dysphoria can start at any age. For some it might be present during childhood, for others it could become prominent during puberty when the body starts to change and social contexts become more gendered. And for others they may not even realise the discomfort they feel towards themselves is gender dysphoria until later in life. It’s a personal journey.

To be clear, gender dysphoria is not simply feeling unconfident or self-conscious about your body or gender expression, though gender dysphoria can definitely lead to those feelings.

Gender dysphoria, often paired with gender incongruence, is that feeling of physical body or social perception of self not matching how you see your gender, and that leading to feelings of discomfort.

How can gender dysphoria appear?

Gender dysphoria can be applied to the physical body and to social perception of oneself.

Physical gender dysphoria could feel like discomfort around body parts or other ‘gendered’ features like facial hear or voice. For example, a non-binary or trans man feeling dysphoric about the chest area and want a flatter chest.

Physical dysphoria might be felt towards many parts of the body, or towards just one or two. There is no one universal way that dysphoria comes up, but it essentially is that feeling that a certain feature that you were born with doesn’t align with what you feel your gender identity is.

Gender dysphoria within a social context could look like people using the wrong pronouns or name, known as ‘misgendering’. Or perhaps dysphoria comes up when being treated in a stereotypically gendered way that doesn’t match, for example, a trans woman being called ‘bro’. Again, social gender dysphoria can crop up in many different ways!

Impacts of gender dysphoria:

Gender dysphoria can impact many different areas of life. Here are some examples, though I’m sure if you’ve experienced gender dysphoria you can think of many others too:

Wellbeing

Feeling that your identity does not match your body or others’ perception can take a negative toll on your wellbeing. It can lead to feelings of sadness, mourning, or frustration around the body given to you at birth. It could also impact levels of anxiety around being unable to express yourself truly.

Social relationships

Times of intense dysphoria can lead to social isolation or withdrawal from seeing friends or even going outside to the shops or appointments, for fear of being perceived. Having a support network of people to lean on can be really important for wellbeing and connectedness, but gender dysphoria can sometimes get in the way of reaching out.

Intimacy

Dysphoria can affect emotional and physical intimacy. Coming out to someone about gender identity or confiding in someone about feelings of gender dysphoria can feel daunting and may lead to not opening up as much. Physical intimacy like sexual relationships can also feel exposing and vulnerable, especially if it involves parts of the body being seen or touched that create a lot of dysphoria, or being treated in a gendered way.

Personal discomfort

The feelings of unease around the gender mismatch can manifest into discomfort from clothing, social groups, hobbies or other forms of expression. For example, someone with dysphoria around certain body parts may feel discomfort in any clothes that make the area more obvious.

Confidence

Gender dysphoria can reduce self-confidence. Being misgendered can feel like a personal act of disrespect, even if done accidentally. Living in a body that doesn’t externally align with the internal self can also make it more difficult to show up to spaces with confidence in yourself.

Helping others to understand gender dysphoria

If you feel gender dysphoria, sometimes it can be tricky to explain it to someone that hasn’t felt it before. Here are some things that could help with explaining it. I’ve also included some words to describe feelings because that’s what I personally struggle to verbalise most…

• Send them this article, or other online resources so they can find out more themselves.
• Describe the feelings you get from gender dysphoria.

Some examples of words to use; disconnect, unease, discomfort, misalignment, yucky feelings, ‘not me’.

• Explain how being misgendered can make you feel.

Some examples of words to use; unseen, misunderstood, disrespected, frustrated, disconnected, hurt.

I was first struck by a sense of gender dysphoria when I was 15 and I became really aware of how ‘girly’ I looked with long hair and having to wear a skirt at school. I also started to have a lot of discomfort around my chest. These feelings of discomfort help me to realise that I am non-binary.

During college I experimented a bit with my clothing style to look less feminine and to wear baggier clothes that hid my body shape. I wore a binder for a while to flatten my chest, and in uni I cut my hair and got some piercings! I also changed my pronouns over time from she/they to they/them because every time someone referred to me by using she/her it felt like a little paper cut to my heart.

I still get a lot of gender dysphoria from people assuming that I am the gender I was assigned at birth, and I perhaps haven’t made all the changes that I want to yet to feel fully like myself. But I have also learnt along the way that dysphoria has been an interesting tool in questioning the gender stereotypes I held about myself and others. It has made me appreciate that at the core of who I am, I am simply me, and that is enough.

My little toolbox of things I do when I am feeling dysphoric…

• Put on an outfit that makes me feel confident
• Dance to my favourite music to remind me that my body allows me to move and is more than just its gender
• Admire nature’s imperfections and beauty
• Avoid mirrors
• Hangout with friends who I can be silly with
• Watch a comfort film
• Meditate to bring my awareness back to my inner world
• Go to a social event and connect with community
• Focus on parts of my life that aren’t defined by gender