TLDR: Situationships
A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship without clear commitment or definition. It often sits somewhere between casual dating and a formal relationship.
If you’ve never defined the relationship, aren’t exclusive (or haven’t clearly agreed boundaries), and emotional intimacy feels limited, you’re likely in a situationship.
They can work for some people. Situationships can offer flexibility, space for personal growth, and intimacy without the pressure of long-term commitment.
They can lack emotional support, create mixed signals, and leave one person hoping for more. Without clear boundaries, someone often ends up hurt.
Be honest about what you want, set clear boundaries, and check in with yourself regularly. If your needs aren’t being met - or you’re feeling anxious more than fulfilled - it might be time to walk away.
This article was written by Sofia, 23.
Situationships have become an increasingly popular relationship style. But, the ambiguity of situationships can leave many confused as to what they actually are.
The definition of situationship
The definition of a situationship is surprisingly straightforward; it is a non-committal romantic relationship between two people. Despite the easy definition, situationships are complex and are experienced differently by everyone.
Signs that you are in a situationship
Here are some telltale signs that you’re in a situationship:
- The relationship is undefined
If you have not yet had a clear conversation about the nature or trajectory of your relationship it is likely that you are in a situationship. It’s unlikely that conversations about defining the relationship will come up in the first few weeks of dating. However, if you have been seeing someone for months and neither of you are comfortable defining your relationship nor have you both told family and friends that you are official then you are in a situationship.
- It’s not exclusive
Since you are not in an romantic relationship where you commit to monogamy, this means that you might both be having sexual relations with other people. However, some people in situationships agree to a certain level of monogamy so this feature varies.
- Little emotional intimacy
In traditional relationships there is typically lots of emotional intimacy. In a situationship, it's likely that there is strong sexual but less emotional intimacy.
The advantages of situationships
Often, situationships are not viewed positively. However, there are people who enjoy this dating style for the following reasons:
- Space for personal growth
Being in a situationship gives some people the space to explore their own interests and grow independently, something that may be limited if you pursue a committed relationship. Although
relationships shouldn’t limit your growth, some people struggle to make time for themselves in them. Situationships can let both individuals discover their identity.
- Intimacy without commitment
Most of us desire the intimacy monogamous relationships can provide. However, not everyone is ready to commit to a relationship. Situationships allow people to explore this natural desire without the added pressure of committing to a formal relationship.
- Flexible
We live in a world of growing opportunities which means many of us have a wider choice of what to do with our lives; to travel, change careers or move to new cities is becoming more accessible and desired. Situationships allow you to not be tied down to a certain location for a person so you can freely move.
The disadvantages of a situationship
Whilst situationships can be flexible and provide you some of the benefits present in a romantic relationship without commitment, there are still disadvantages.
- Lack of emotional support
You won’t receive the level of emotional support that you would expect in a relationship. So, if you enter a situationship hoping to expect the other person to be there for your emotional wellbeing, that may not be the case.
When asking young people about who would not enjoy being in a situationship, one responded: ‘Someone who is seeking a relationship, seeking intimacy and respect from a partner.’
- Rejection
Often, a person enters into a situationship in the hopes that their partner will eventually want to fully commit. However, opening yourself up to someone who is not ready to commit or does not reciprocate the same feelings can lead to rejection.
- Overstepping boundaries
On paper, situationships seem ideal; you get some of the benefits of romantic companionship whilst still being able to enjoy singlehood. However, they can develop to a point where you become unofficially committed to each other so you both end up overstepping boundaries like asking the other person to cancel plans with friends to spend time together.
Navigating a situationship
There is a lot of debate whether being in a situationship is healthy. Although the ambiguity of this relationship type can become toxic, it does stop many young people from choosing to get into them. Like with any relationship type, there are a few things to remember when in a situationship:
- Make time for your loved ones
Make sure that you’re still making time for friends, family and yourself because even though you are not committed to each other, the novelty and excitement can lead some couples to prioritise their situationship over other relationships.
- Learn to set boundaries
The lack of boundaries in a situationship can sometimes place you in uncomfortable situations. For example, being there for that person emotionally (which can be draining) when they are reluctant to cater to your emotional needs. If you can communicate your boundaries with that person, then it can make the situationship more enjoyable.
- Communicate your feelings
If you feel like you've developed strong feelings for the other person, let them know. The feeling may or may not be mutual but either way, it's better to express your feelings than suppress them.
‘Miscommunication can lead to an individual or both getting hurt or feeling unworthy of love because the other individual couldn’t commit.’ - Recent Graduate, 21.
- Know when to walk away
Just like in committed relationships, it’s important to recognise when you are disrespected and to end things when the other person has consistently overstepped your boundaries or hurt you.
Are you made for situationships?
Hopefully, you now have a better understanding of situationships. Before getting into a situationship, it’s important to think about what kind of person you are and how you view relationships.
If you are someone who expects commitment, monogamy and emotional intimacy from a romantic partner, then situationships are unlikely to fulfill you. If you do not feel ready to commit to someone but would like romantic companionship, then situationships may be for you. However, it is important that you make this clear to the other person.
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