Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

What is BPD?

BPD, meaning borderline personality disorder, is a type A personality disorder that can cause someone to “struggle with processing emotions”, says Laura Peter, the Head of Advice at Rethink Mental Illness. It’s more common than you might think, if you’re wondering if you have BPD, we’ll take a look at the symptoms in a moment.

“Around one in every hundred people have this illness,” says Laura. “Whilst it affects men and women equally, women are more likely to receive a formal diagnosis, possibly because they are more likely to seek help.”

BPD is not the same as bipolar disorder, although it shares some of the symptoms.

Do I have BPD?

So how do you know if you have BPD? Be careful to avoid self-diagnosis over the internet. If you’re concerned, it’s important to get a diagnosis of BPD from a proper mental health professional. Some of the most common BPD signs and symptoms include: 

• Having an extreme fear of being abandoned  
• Having unstable relationships with others 
• Being really impulsive and reckless. For example, binge drinking, having unsafe sex, or spending lots and lots of money  
• Self-harm
• Experiencing intense emotions and mood swings
• Paranoia
• Suicidal thoughts or behaviours

What causes BPD?

Like many other mental illnesses, there can be a range of reasons why someone might develop BPD. There isn’t one test or one cause to find an answer. It can be quite frustrating. But some reasons can be: 

• Traumatic childhood experiences, like emotional, physical or sexual abuse, or neglect from parents 
• Problems with brain chemicals or development
• Genes. Ah, a classic. BPD might be passed on by your family, but there’s no concrete evidence for this

Can BPD be cured?

No. Laura says, “Like many mental health conditions, treatment helps people to manage their condition rather than ‘cure’ it. But people can find that with the right treatment and support their symptoms are very manageable and may even disappear.” 

The primary treatment for BPD is psychological therapy, either one-to-one or as a group.  

DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) is a specific type of therapy designed for people with BPD. Its goal is to alter your thinking of seeing your relationships, environment and life in ‘black and white’ which can lead to destructive thoughts and behaviours. 

I think I have BPD, what should I do?

Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling and book an appointment to see your GP. Perhaps take a friend or family member with you for support.  

It can be a good idea to write down everything you’ve been feeling or experiencing to talk through with your GP, or you can simply hand them the piece of paper if you find it tricky to talk about. 

If your GP thinks you have BPD, they’ll then refer you to a specialist who will be able to help you.

Why is BPD so stigmatised?

“People with BPD may be seen as very difficult,” says Laura. “But in fact, people with BPD are very vulnerable because they experience very strong emotions.” 

Instead of seeing the symptoms of BPD as an illness, society has often put the erratic and damaging behaviours down to someone’s personality. It can be hard to navigate this stigma if you have BPD, so it’s important we recognise the illness and give the best support. 

If you think you have BPD, or have been diagnosed, you are valid. You’re not a bad person. Please don’t let the stigma put you off seeking treatment.

How to support someone with BPD

“It is important that you learn as much about the disorder as possible,” says Laura, “as it will allow you to better support them, and may help you to understand why they might be acting in a certain way.”

It can be tricky to find out accurate information about BPD, but organisations like Rethink Mental Illness, Mind, and the NHS have a wealth of accurate, simple information and support.  

The best thing you can always do for someone struggling with their mental health is be there for them. Remind them how loved they are, and how you’ll be there to listen or support always. 

But make sure you look after yourself too. You’re not expected to fix someone’s mental health, and sometimes you might feel quite overwhelmed.

Laura says to remember: “The ability to process and understand our emotions is something that many of us take for granted, but for people with BPD it can lead to angry and intrusive thoughts that can affect your ability to maintain relationships in the long term. The important thing to remember is that having a personality disorder is not your fault, and seeking help for it is neither embarrassing nor shameful.”

More help with personality disorders

• Anyone can contact the Samaritans on their 24-hour helpline to talk things through. 116 123.
• Rethink Mental Illness offers advice and support on mental health. Visit their website or call The Rethink Mental Illness Advice Service on 0300 5000 927, 9:30am – 4pm, Monday to Friday.
• Mind offers advice and support to people with mental health problems. Their helpline runs 9am-6pm from Monday to Friday. 0300 123 3393.

Amy, 25, has Borderline Personality Disorder. She tells us how the illness affects her life, and why she wants to fight the stigma surrounding it.

I was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) about six years ago, but I’ve struggled with my mental health since childhood. I first began self-harming when I was just 11 years old, and first attempted suicide at 18. My teenage years were pretty awful and I battled with severe low self-esteem and depression. I felt constantly erratic, consistently confused, and my mood swings were incredibly intense. So, when I was diagnosed with BPD at 19, it helped to explain things that I never could.

I’m incredibly impulsive

BPD can affect people differently. For me, it makes me incredibly impulsive which often goes hand in hand with my moods. I can go from uncontrollably crying for a few days to suddenly deciding everything is fine and I’m going to do something great. Usually this means booking a last minute holiday, booking a half marathon, or going on a shopping spree. I’ll spend a lot of money and give little thought to what I’m doing. Then my mood will drop again and I’ll feel guilty and stupid for what I’ve done.

My highs are very high and my lows are dangerously low. I’ve taken overdoses without reason or cause, and for that reason my mind often scares me. It’s incredibly unpredictable and I never know what it’s going to do or where I’m going to end up.

I ran out the office and just kept running

My workplace has been wonderfully supportive with my BPD. They put a care plan in place for me just in case anything should happen, and they’re always checking in on me. I’m really thankful, especially as a few months ago, that care plan needed to be put into practice.

I went for a promotion at work which was a huge deal for me as I can react very badly to rejection. Fear of abandonment is a key sign of BPD, so putting myself into a situation where this could be triggered is a tough one to navigate. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the job. My line manager broke the news to me as sensitively as possible but it didn’t stop the extreme reaction. I ran out the office and just kept running. I ended up in A&E that evening, but my flatmate was with me as she’d been contacted by my line manager.

I can seem like a bad person, but I’m not!

Experiences like the promotion rejection make me worry about what others think of me. I can really struggle with relationships due to fear of abandonment, heightened sensitivity and mood swings. I know I can be quite intense which a lot of people find hard to deal with. So, to deal with the fear of people leaving me, I’ll do it first. I’ll ignore friends, not reply to messages, and push people away so they can’t reject me first. It’s not something I’m proud of and I’m definitely working on it.

The longer I’ve had my diagnosis, the more it makes sense to me. I’d be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with it, but I have grown to accept it. Rather than trying to ‘cure’ myself, I see every day as another day of managing my emotions and behaviours. I’m about to start having therapy with the NHS.

People who have BPD can be made out to be monsters and serial killers because it sells newspapers, but I’m just a normal girl who cares a lot about things. Not a lot of focus is placed on those silently battling through it day by day, because that’s simply not as exciting or newsworthy!

Having BPD is like working on a jigsaw

I see my BPD like working on a jigsaw puzzle. I’ll have a moment where lots of pieces fit into place at once, or moments where I’ll force a piece to go where it doesn’t quite fit. Or sometimes I’ll abandon the puzzle completely for three weeks because I’ve had enough. Even after a puzzle is complete there’s always the ability to take it apart again, and that’s okay too.

I’ll continue to go to therapy and learn to live with my BPD. Sometimes I’ll have bad days, and sometimes I’ll feel fine. Just like any mental illness. My BPD doesn’t make me or others evil. We just need a bit more care, love and support.