This article was written by Leah, 21.
Starting university can feel daunting for several reasons, but one of my biggest worries, as someone who has always been branded “the quiet girl,” was putting myself out there socially.
You’re not going to get along with everyone
Before covering how to find your people at university, it’s important to remember not to feel disheartened if you don’t become best friends with the first people you meet.
When I first started University, I was so anxious about making a good impression that I squeezed myself into social circles that just weren’t the right fit. I wish someone had told first year me that I will have multiple opportunities to meet the right people aside from just fresher's week.
This also goes for students who don’t see eye to eye with their housemates, it’s not an easy situation, but it’s common. I found that trying to force friendships out of fear of being alone only ended up holding me back, and you owe it to yourself to seek out people who will enhance your university experience.
In summary if you find a strong group of friends straight away that's great, and if you don’t that’s normal, give yourself time.
Seeking out similar interests
An easy way to get socialising with new people is by finding common ground. This can be done in a few different ways:
Joining a society
Most Universities offer a range of societies, including the sporty ones, the course-related ones, or those that are more suited to hobbies (which are usually cheaper). You can check these via your student union website, but it may be worth attending a societies fair if your Uni offers one, as the online information can sometimes be limited.
Fresher's week
Fresher's week is usually viewed as one giant drinking sesh. However, there are a bunch of daytime/sober events you can attend, such as cafe hops, pottery painting, plant sales, etc.
Outside of university
In my second year, I discovered an app called ‘clique’, which is designed to connect with new people based on your interests. It allows you to find event groups in your area or even create your own. The good thing about these groups is that everyone is in the same boat.
Don’t feel put off if you are attending alone; it’s more than likely you won’t be the only one, and the host’s aim is to create a welcoming environment for new joiners.
Social media
Facebook and Instagram can be worth checking too, as I have found a number of local running and walking groups for all ages which are often set up by students.
Remember, there will always be opportunities to seek out new friends, so don’t panic if fresher's week sounds too overwhelming or doesn’t live up to your expectations.
Be patient with yourself
You’ve moved to university, away from your comforts, into a brand-new city brimming with new opportunities and people. Give yourself credit for how brave you are and how far you’ve come.
Growing up quiet can be difficult, as it’s often treated as a trait that needs fixing. Whether you’ve been told at parents’ evening that “you’re a good student but need to contribute more” or had the distracting students moved next to you in classes so they’ll “behave better”.
It’s easy to feel like you need to be outgoing to succeed, but as I’ve left my teenage years, I’ve realised wishing to be extroverted is a waste of energy. The more frustrated with yourself you get, the more your confidence suffers.
I would encourage anyone starting university to make the most of your time there, push yourself and try new things, sometimes they’ll work and sometimes they won’t.
I’ve had instances when I’ve been super chatty and comfortable in new situations, and times when I’ve felt incredibly awkward and left early to confide in my PJS. Be proud of yourself for giving things a go, even if they don’t go to plan.
It will all be OK
Since starting university, I’ve grown a lot in confidence. Granted, I’m still a quiet girl and probably always will be. I’m finally learning to accept that, instead of seeing it as something that will hold me back. I’ve met some wonderful people, pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and navigated living alone for the first time without being particularly outgoing.
It’s important to stay true to yourself and your values, freshers week isn’t everything, and you can connect with new people by simply pursuing an interest or trying out a new hobby.
Starting university is scary for everyone, so being shy doesn’t put you at an automatic disadvantage. Being kind, enthusiastic, and willing to connect with new people is much more important for new starters, so be patient with yourself and unlearn the myth that being quiet is a weakness.
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