TLDR: Why do my friends leave me out?
Being excluded can really hurt - sometimes it’s miscommunication, but repeated exclusion can be a subtle form of bullying.
Yes. “Bullying by exclusion” is real, even if no one says anything directly. If it keeps happening, your feelings are valid.
Try talking to one trusted friend privately and explain how it’s making you feel. They may not realise the impact.
Speak to a parent, teacher or trusted adult. Getting support can help you figure out next steps safely.
You don’t have to deal with it alone — reach out to support services or someone you trust and start with one conversation.
What to do when your friends leave you out
If you’re constantly thinking ‘why do my friends leave me out?’ It might be time to have a think about your friend situation.
Friendship groups can be difficult to manage sometimes, especially because there’s often so many different personalities and moods to balance. Whatever the dynamic, it’s still extremely hurtful if you feel like your friends are leaving you out.
Loneliness is a very real and painful feeling, but you don’t have to stay in that place. You can get to the point where you stop questioning ‘why do friends leave me out?’ There are plenty of people out there to listen to you and offer support, both in person and online. In society there’s a huge stigma about feeling lonely, but just know that those emotions are completely valid and worth exploring.
Friends deliberately leaving you out is bullying
The Mix spoke with psychotherapist Dr Aaron Balick to get advice about this particular type of bullying and how to deal with it.
Dr Balick says: “What’s happening here is a very subtle form of bullying, often called ‘bullying by exclusion‘. You can often be left puzzled thinking ‘I feel like all my friends are leaving me out’ but you don’t have solid evidence. Even though it’s less obvious than more visible forms of bullying, it’s still real. Especially in the age of social media when every outing is extensively documented. But don’t lose hope. This is something you can solve, as long as you seek help.”
Dealing with friends leaving you out, a.k.a, bullying by exclusion
“Try approaching one of your close friends in the group. At a good moment, take them aside and share with them that you’ve been feeling hurt and left out. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt and watch to see if things start changing. Getting one person away from the crowd often helps in situations like this. If that feels too scary, it’s worth confiding in a parent or teacher. Explain what’s been happening and then, hopefully, think up a solution together.”
“Like all instances of bullying, the more you’re able to identify what your needs are and articulate them, the better you’ll be at managing situations like this. I recognise that this is really hard because when we get bullied we’re more likely to withdraw and go quiet, but sadly that only helps the bullies. That’s why, if you ever find yourself questioning ‘why do my friends leave me out?’, it’s time to get help.”
Support with bullying and being left out
If you’re being bullied at school, college or anywhere else The Mix offers plenty of resources to help you break free of your bullies. The hardest thing to do is taking the first step to reach out and ask for help – we’re here to help make it easier.
Published
