I kissed my teacher, what do I do?

Recently, I went clubbing with a few friends and one of my college tutors was there. We were dancing and having a good time as friends, but by the end of the night we were snogging. I know we were both drunk but now I'm starting to have feelings for him. I keep finding myself looking at him during class. What do I do now?

Teachers have a code of conduct

The ‘I kissed my teacher’ dilemma is quite a tricky situation and the first issue you might like to consider is your college’s view on this kind of thing. Your college will almost certainly have a code of conduct that its tutors have to sign up to. This will outline their conditions of employment, but will also cover the conduct that’s expected of them in a social setting with students. Although every college has its own view on these issues, it’s likely the code of conduct would try to prohibit any close relationships with students.

This may seem a little heavy-handed, but these codes of conduct are in place to try and protect your education, as well as your teacher’s job.

The teacher is in a position of power

Lecturers are in a very privileged position so it’s important for the students and tutors that rules are adhered to. Student/teacher relationships can be very difficult for a number of reasons. It’s possible this could be the start of a wonderful relationship, but it’s also a possibility that the relationship will be short-lived. If this is the case all sorts of difficulties might arise. It may seem unlikely now, but it’s important to think of the consequences of getting involved with a person when there are power dynamics involved.

We know that you can’t help your feelings, but you can help what you do about them. If you kissed the teacher, you’ll have to come to a mutual decision about how to move forward. Whether you pursue the relationship (and risk getting into trouble) or decide to go your separate ways, just make sure you’re on the same page. 

Communicate with your teacher to clear the air

Communication, in any kind of relationship, is really important. It doesn’t sound like you’ve spoken to your tutor about what happened since you kissed. If you feel able to, why not find an opportunity to talk openly and honestly with them. In your lessons with them you shouldn’t constantly be thinking ‘Shit, I kissed my teacher’. Try to clear the air so you can both feel at ease maintain your student/tutor relationship for the sake of your studies and his career. We’ve got an article that might help right here. 

If you’ve kissed the teacher and need expert advice

At this point, you may also find it helps to talk to a trusted adult or friend about your feelings. They may be able to offer you further support or advice. If you don’t feel able to talk to anyone you know, SupportLine offers emotional support to young people over the telephone and it’s completely confidential. You can call an advisor on 01708 765200.

For more advice, take a look at our article ‘I’m in love with my teacher’ here. Our community can also help, if you’ve kissed the teacher and don’t know what to do next, reach out to us directly here or post on our Discussion Boards. You can post anonymously if you like.

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