My Giant

I'm just over 5'3 and he's just under 6'4,
His brown eyes and full lips, I adore.
But mostly it's how I always feel safe
When I'm near him or in his embrace.
He loved me when I didnt love myself
Taught me it's okay to need some help.
We've been through so much already,
one day this rocky road will steady.
He's my lover, hero and best friend,
I truly believe our love won't ever end.

3 years ago ?

I haven't had the easiest childhood, parents divorced when I was 2. Both parents remarried, my dad to a women named Michelle and my mum to a solider named Gareth.

We moved all over due to my stepdads job, finally settling in and making friends to have to move all over agin wasn't easy but it was life. My sister and I still saw our dad on weekends and throughout the year he'd take us on holidays and stuff too.

When I was 11 my stepdad left the army and we moved to be closer to my dad. Everything was good except it wasn't. My stepdad was suffering with ptsd and ended up breaking down. He hung himself with my cousin sister and myself in the room. Luckily he didn't die.

Seeing what I saw didn't really effect me until 2nd July 2007. That's the date my daddy killed himself. The date life changed. The date I no longer felt safe on this earth because the man who protected me from monsters and bullies was no longer here.

I started getting flashbacks except instead of my stepdads face changing colour I saw my dads. Nightmares, hatred, confused and loneliness started to creep in too. I started to harm myself without realising (sometimes still do). I scratch myself until I'm bleeding or someone tells me. Anyways I was 12 and didn't understand. Everyone was pretending as if life was normal and okay. School, working, socialising, having fun etc... but it wasn't okay. One rare day I actually managed to have a good day with my family and when I went to bed that night I decided the only thing that could make this day any better was to see my daddy. So I wrote everyone notes and tried to kill myself. If I didn't leave my bedroom light on and my stepdad didn't find me I wouldn't be here today but at the time I didn't know that you see, because I thought if you chose to go you could choose to come back. Sounds silly now.

Anyways fast forward a few years and look at the guy in the picture with me. I met that amazing guy. I met him through a friend and we became friends. He also struggles with mental health issues and eventually we both began to open up. And I, well I started to feel safe. It was a miracle for the first time in my life since my dad died, I felt safe. For two/three years we was the best of friends. Supporting each other through so much. When I argued with my family or was mentally unstable he let me stay at his place. For weeks a didn't move of his sofa and I barely spoke to him but he made sure I ate and looked after me. When I overdosed at my flat he got a taxi to the city I was living in to pick me up and take me back to his. When I was in hospital with my chronic illnesses he's been there whether it's through the phone or in person. Then on New Year's Eve 2016 he asked me to be his girlfriend!!!! I can happily say I am now in a relationship with my best friend, my lover and my giant. The only one to make me feel safe and the only one who truly listens and believes me when I open up. I don't know what I would do without that man. I am so thankful for him everyday. I can't imagine it's easy having a girlfriend with anxiety. Having to message when he's going to be busy or waking up to god knows how many messages because I've panicked during the night. He doesn't judge me, just supports me. I love My Giant unconditionally ??

Published on 07-May-2017

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