How do I stop this on off relationship?
I've been in a relationship with the same guy on and off for the past five years. He recently decided we should split-up again, but we ended up staying together. We can't resist each other. He wants to find someone new but wants to spend time with me in the meantime. I wish we could just split up but I'm too afraid of being alone. Why can't I just get over him?
The thing about relationships is that they can be easy to start, but tough to finish. It’s evident that you two still have strong feelings for each other, but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee your happiness. So it’s probably better to try and deal with this situation head on, rather than risk the same thing happening over and over again.
If you really want to move on then you should try to remind yourself of the reasons why you decided to split, and stick to it. If necessary, talk to your ex about the situation. If he’s really serious about moving on as well, ask him to be as resolute as you hope to be. After that, you’ll need to create some physical space in order to get your emotions in order. If this means agreeing not to see each other, even as mates, then make that decision together. Instead, surround yourself with friends and family, and let them help you get over the end of the relationship.
Ending a relationship can feel a lot like grieving for something you’ve lost and this is a healthy response to the loss of such an important episode in your life. Single life can also feel a little flat after such a good time as a couple. Although the heart break after a break up can seem unbearable, it should pass as you get back in touch with life outside the relationship. In time, you’ll even look back feeling stronger for the experience.
Finally, you might also want to avoid deciding right now to always stay in touch, if your friendship can endure from this break up, let it happen naturally, when you’re both over each other.
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