Questions For Modern Marriage- How Do You Think You Can Best Serve Your Spouse

Its nice to hear I love you but everyone has different ways of expressing and understanding love.

Community member

sylviamsith

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage.

Service. It’s not a word that gets mentioned a lot in reference to modern marriage. For some, it conjures up some pretty negative connotations: Obedience, subservience, and putting your own needs aside. It sounds old fashioned.

When you really think about it though, service has a big place in modern marriage. To serve essentially means to be useful, to do something for someone. Service doesn’t mean making yourself inferior. It means finding ways to be genuinely helpful and respectful of your spouse, and those things can be the foundation of a kind and loving relationship.

Is it time to ask how do you think you can best serve your spouse?

Learn Their Love Language

It’s nice to hear “I love yous” but everyone has different ways of expressing and understanding love. Which love language does your spouse speak?

For some people, they feel loved when being held, or getting a foot rub, or holding hands. For others, being able to talk openly about their feelings and vent their worries makes them feel loved. Get to know what your partner values, and do more of that.

Pay attention to how your partner shows love, too, as this offers some vital clues. Do they show their love by doing practical things or buying small gifts? Maybe they like to check in with you throughout the day. Learn to speak their love language.

Pay Attention To The Little Things

Little things are so important. Taking the time to bring your spouse coffee in the morning or pick up their favorite snack at the store on the way home is a simple way to serve that has a big impact.

A quick text message or even a love note tucked into their wallet or purse will bring a smile to your spouse’s face and remind them how loved and valued they are.

Make Time For Romance

Service is often as simple as spending time together and making sure your partner feels valued.

It’s easy to get so caught up with work, children and other family or social commitments that your relationship takes a back seat. You can prevent this by making regular time for romance.

Arrange a standing date every week. Get a sitter and enjoy a night to yourselves, whether you go out on the town or enjoy a romantic evening at home.

Be Willing To Compromise

Remember, your partner is your team mate, not your enemy. For a marriage to work, both parties need to be happy and feel that their needs matter. Part of that is learning to make compromises for each other.

Learn to distinguish between values or needs that you really can’t be flexible about, and those that you could stand to compromise on.

For example, if your partner really wants to move to the city, but you love country living, could you move to a town just outside of their favorite city? Or move to a city with a lot of green space? There are hundreds of examples like this, but the heart of it is learning to prioritize your marriage, and valuing making sure you are both happy above getting your own way.

Unplug Sometimes

One of the greatest acts of service you can do for your partner is simply giving them your full attention.

Ditch the habit of always having your phone to hand, or relaxing after dinner with one eye on the TV even if they’re talking to you. Of course it’s ok to fire up Netflix or check your phone, but don’t let those things take up all your attention. Unplug for an hour and focus on your partner instead – your marriage will benefit from it.

Encourage Your Partner

A little encouragement can make all the difference to your partner. Whatever they’re facing, be that work challenges, family drama, or something exciting like making a dream come true or starting a project, be there for them. Let them know you believe in them.

Encouragement isn’t just for the big things. Encourage your partner in every day life by reminding them of what you love about them, and praising them for the things they do.

Offer Practical Help

Service is a practical word and the best way to serve is often by doing practical things. If you know your partner is extra busy, offer to take over some of their chores. If they’re really tired from work, watch the kids for a couple of hours so they can relax.

Find practical ways to support your partner in every day life. Small acts of real help can make all the difference to their day and let them know they have your support always.

Make Your Spouse A Priority

No one wants to feel like an after thought, least of all someone you committed to sharing your life with. Make your spouse a priority in your life. That means honoring arrangements with them instead of treating them as optional, and setting aside regular time to be with them.

Pay attention to what matters to your spouse, and let them know that it matters to you too.

Service might sound old fashioned but in fact it’s a graceful, thoughtful way of approaching your marriage for a kinder, more connected life together.

Published on 22-Jun-2017

Submit your story

This post was submitted as part of 'Pillow Talk’ campaign. Take a peek at our other submissions and get involved by creating your own content!

open

Pillow Talk

Tell us how you and your partner talk about consent before, during and after sex

Submit your story