How to orgasm if you have a vagina

While you may be seeing vaginal orgasms portrayed in the media, they seem to be this unattainable dream for many people IRL. To help, the Mix has put together a helpful guide for how to orgasm. We ask, what does an orgasm feel like and more. Read on for answers to all of your questions about the big O.

A young woman is wondering how to orgasm. This is a wide-angle image.

How long does it take for a woman to orgasm

If you believe everything you see on TV, then a mind-blowing orgasm is an inevitable part of sex. There just has to be a little bit of action around the vag, and the person will be moaning in sheer ecstasy and climax almost immediately after that. In reality, the amount of time it takes to have a vaginal orgasm can vary massively. In fact, a lot of people struggle to reach climax at all. Especially if you’re only having penetrative sex. That’s why self-exploration and honesty can go a long way towards reaching the big O during foreplay and sex.

So, how long does it take for a woman or person with a vagina to orgasm? As long as it takes for them to get stimulated. You could even focus on trying having different types of orgasms, such as clitoral orgasms, anal orgasms or blended orgasms, to see if that gets you going.

Masturbation and orgasm

If you can’t give yourself an orgasm, you’ll probably find it a lot harder to climax with a partner. That’s just a fact. Luckily, a little self-discovery can change that. Masturbation helps teach you about your body. Through taking a little time to get to know your body you can understand where your erogenous zones are, how you like to be touched, and generally what turns you on. And we wanna emphasise that there’s no guilt around pleasuring yourself. It’s entirely natural and healthy. Not to mention, it’s one of the best ways to learn about your sexual response.

How to orgasm when masturbating

In terms of technique, exploration is the key. Remember, everyone is different. Just cause it worked for that porn-star, doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. And besides, there are tons of different, fun ways to go about it. You can keep your clothes on and rub your pubic region; get naked and use your fingers to stimulate yourself; or invest in a toy. Just do whatever feels comfortable for you.

“Many people find that sex toys can help them reach orgasm both during masturbation and with a partner,” says Nic Ramsey, founder of Tickled erotic boutique. “Some people like vibrating toys, which come in all shapes and sizes. Others prefer dildos: non-vibrating toys that can be used for penetration and G-spot stimulation. It’s genuinely up to you whichever one you prefer.”

For some people, fantasising can also help make orgasm easier. Whether you rely on your own imagination or an erotic website or book, stimulating the mind usually stimulates the body. And there’s no reason why you can’t get yourself revved up before a hot date, either. Otherwise, if you’re interested in trying out some fun sex toys, then you should take a look at this article.

What does an orgasm feel like?

There really is no one description that’ll answer ‘What does an orgasm feel like?’ ‘correctly’. From an ‘earth shattering eruption’ to a ‘tiny pulse’, orgasms come in all manner of sensations. However, they’ll generally include some of the following: 

  • Spasming of the vaginal muscles and the vaginal wall (at 0.7-second intervals, in case you’re interested)
  • A flushed face and/or chest
  • Increased heart rate
  • Changes in breathing
  • Increased vaginal lubrication
  • Female ejaculation
  • Swelling of the nipples, clitoris and labia
  • And – of course – THE FEELING, which has been described as everything from a ‘rush’ to a ‘pulsing’, an ‘explosion’ to a ‘wave’

Basically, you’ll KNOW when it happens. And the good news is you can have multiple orgasms in one go.

How to have an orgasm with your partner

According to The Lovers’ Guide, only 25% of people with a vagina climax through penetrative sex. Interestingly, this increases to 75% if their partner spends more than 20 minutes on foreplay. Generally, people with vaginas get most of their sexual pleasure from clitoral stimulation. On the other hand, most people with penises get theirs from penetration of a warm, wet orifice. This basic difference is actually the root of many sexual problems. However, certain sex positions can change this.

Need some vaginal foreplay tips? You might wanna check out our guide to how to go down on a girl.

The right position will increase the chances of an orgasm

Firstly, choose a position that allows the movement to stimulate the clitoris. Going on top allows you to lean forward and rub your clit against your partner’s body. During ‘missionary’ (giver on top with the receiver lying on their back), putting your hands on the small of your partner’s back will keep pressure on your clitoris. That’ll boost your chances of an orgasm, too. But that doesn’t always do it for everyone. So, don’t be afraid to be experimental and find out what works for you.

“I could never cum through sex until my man put his thigh between my legs when we were having sex on our sides,” says Emma, 21. “I actually had my first orgasm with him by grinding against him as we had sex. Now it’s my favourite position.”

Next Steps

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By Emily Dubberley

Updated on 14-Jun-2022