I fancy my housemate

Relationships are messy and complicated. They can give you the highest highs and the lowest lows. So getting into one takes a lot of careful consideration, and that’s just when you’re gonna see them once a week. It’s a whole different ball game if you’re living with the person you fall for. Read on to find out how to deal with it.

A young man is on his phone. His housemates are sitting on the floor. They both fancy their housemate (eachother). This is a wide-angle image.

I’m in love with housemate, but do they love me?

So one day it becomes crushingly obvious and you finally admit ‘I fancy my housemate’. But do they have feelings for you? It can be hard to tell, but if you’re doing any of the following together, it’s highly likely.

  • You keep falling asleep in each other’s beds.
  • Neither of you are really dating anyone, and they clam up if you mention fancying/getting together with other people.
  • You send each other private messages away from your housemates Whatsapp group.
  • You’ve drunkenly hooked up at least once, but you haven’t talked about it.
  • You keep staying up late, just you two, talking the night away.

If I fancy my housemate, do I tell them about my feelings? 

Being in love with a housemate is complicated. Figuring out how to tell them just adds to that complication. But ultimately, only you can make that decision. Our only helpful suggestion would be to ask yourself the following: 

Can I still live with this person if they reject me?”

“Are these strong feelings, or is this just a passing crush?

What happens if we do get together but then break up?”

If it’s worth the risk, then pick a time when you’re both alone and simply tell them how you feel. Say you’ve developed feelings for them that are stronger than a friend/housemate, and were wondering if they felt the same. Let them know that you don’t expect an answer right away. They need time to go through the soul-searching that you had. But, whatever happens, they’ll appreciate your honesty.

They love me back! Yay! Now what do we do?  

Congratulations! Housemate relationships can be amazing, since you already know each other so well. But, like every relationship, there’ll be ups and downs. Here are our top tips for making it work:

Try and take things slow: Hard, we know, when you’re already effectively living together. So set boundaries from day one. Have some nights to yourself, when you sleep in your own bed or just have alone time watching what you want on your computer. Also, make sure you see friends separately and have separate nights out. Imagine what your lives would be like if you’d just got together and *didn’t* live together, and try to replicate that.

Let your other housemates know: They’ve probably heard you shagging and guessed anyway, but, just for the hell of it, clue them in. A couple in a shared house can alter the dynamics of the living situation, so be respectful of their worries… and don’t snog on the sofa.

Talk about your living situation in the future: You want to be on the same page before your lease is up. Make sure you communicate about what you’re both expecting to happen in the future. Is it OK if you move into separate places for a while? Or would one of you take that personally? Couples tend to have conversations about what moving in together means to them BEFORE they end up living together. You may already live together by default, but that doesn’t mean you should miss out on these relationship milestones.

What if I break up with my housemate?

Thinking ‘I fancy my housemate’ is a world away from having to endure breaking up with them. But it’s a possibility that you have to explore. Break-ups are hard enough without having to see your ex every single day. In an ideal world, you’d be able to handle the break-up in a mature way, negotiating how to share your space without crying/screaming/throwing plates. But break-ups can easily turn us into insecure, immature, idiotic fools

Keep in mind that your other housemates probably won’t appreciate being forced to pick teams. So, unless you’re both extremely mature people, one of you’ll probably have to move out. Read our advice on moving out and handling a break-up if you want to know more about what’s in store.

Next Steps



By Nishika Melwani

Updated on 26-Sep-2021