How to get over a breakup

My long-term boyfriend has broken up with me and I honestly feel so lost and confused. From my experience with past break-ups, I'm worried this feeling will last a while. At the beginning, our relationship was wonderful. He always told me how much he loved me. But after some time had passed he became distant and didn't want to see me. For weeks he denied that anything was wrong and then he broke up with me, saying I'd started to irritate him and I demanded all of his attention. All I want is the good part of our relationship back. The worst part is that I blame myself for his feelings changing. I miss him so much and don't understand why he didn't try to work it out with me. To put salt in the wound, he's since had sex with other girls. I just feel so worthless.

Figuring out how to get over a breakup can be really, really tough. You’re often left with a lot of questions and ‘what-if’ thoughts that run through your head on a constant loop. You feel like you’re the only human in the world to have experienced this level of pain. But the truth is this is something that everyone eventually goes through. It’s just an unfortunate part of life. Luckily, The Mix are here to help you work through it.

A typical relationship break up

A user of the Mix got in touch with us after recently going through a relationship break up. We took the chance to share some practical tips for how to get over a breakup, and explain what the post-breakup healing process typically involves.

The recovery process takes time

How to get through a breakup 101? Take time for healing. 

Trying to get over a breakup with someone you love can be extremely upsetting and distressing. Even if this has happened to you more than once, it never really gets easier. Sometimes, it might even make it worse since you know what’s in store for you. Unfortunately, there’s no way to rush through your feelings and get over this quickly, no matter how much you want to. There’s no specific amount of time it takes to work through this. All you can do is take comfort from the fact that you’ve survived before, which means that you can again. Painful though it is.

Work through your emotions

The intense feelings you’re describing are completely normal and totally valid. Breaking up with someone you deeply love is a lot like suffering through grief. There are a whole range of different emotions that you’ll go through before you feel better. You’re probably gonna feel sadness, shock, anger, denial, pain, confusion and so many more. But eventually, you’ll be able to move on with your life. The way you feel right now won’t last. Thing is, you have to let yourself feel all the emotions and give yourself time to recover from this.

Tips for getting over a breakup

When getting over a breakup, talking about how you feel is really, really important. The worst thing you can do for the healing process is to bottle up your feelings. Make an effort to confide in your friends. Remember, most people have been through a break-up so they’ll probably understand what you’re going through. And don’t worry too much about imposing on them – good friends will happily take time to listen to you.

Alternatively, if you don’t feel comfortable talking to friends or family about this, there are people out there who are more than willing to help you out. For example, you could call Supportline, a confidential telephone counselling service on 020 8554 9004 or e-mail [email protected]

Breaking up with a long term partner can be a really difficult time. In response to a reader’s question, The Mix explains how to get over a breakup.

We’re no relationship experts, but we’d urge you to go out as much as you can. Simply having people around you, even if you’re not ready to talk about the break-up, will help. It’ll distract you from thinking about your ex while reminding you that there is a world outside them. Plus, it’s usually the first step to helping you rebuild your confidence.

Final advice

Before we go, we wanna make it very clear that none of this is your fault. It sounds like you did everything you could to make this relationship work. Sometimes, however much you love someone, it’s not always a right fit. Your ex may have some issues they need to work through on their own. And part of their process might be sleeping with other people. It could also be that they aren’t ready for a committed relationship. You’ll honestly probably never know their true reasons for them doing what they did. 

It’s always easy to blame yourself, but just because someone has broken up with you doesn’t mean you’re worthless. We promise, you’ll have lots to offer to the right person. Difficult as it may be, not speaking to your ex or having any contact with them (including unfollowing them on social) is probably the healthiest thing you can do right now. Put away your reminders of them like photographs and try to take some time off social media. It’ll help you focus on yourself and heal your broken heart.

Next Steps