Asking someone out

The Mix's shame-free guide to asking for a date.

boy asking girl out

The "You know you want to line" is always inadvisable.

What’s stopping you?

So you fancy someone madly, and you’re busting to know if they share your feelings. The best way to find out is by going on a date. The trouble is that by asking them out you’re effectively laying bare your heart. And if it turns out that they’d rather stick pins through their eyes than spend a second longer in your company, you’re going to be left with a red face and a big insecurity complex.

But if you don’t make a move they might never know how you feel. What’s more, someone else might take the plunge and get in first. And you know you’ll hate yourself if that happens. What to do?

Overcome your date dilemma

The prospect of asking someone out is enough to make your heartbeat quicken and that’s perfectly natural. Let’s face it – nobody actually enjoys putting their love life on the line. So is there a way to win a date without putting yourself through the hideous experience of waiting for a ‘yes’ or ‘no’?

  • Forget about saying ‘will you go out with me?’
    Any kind of direct question like this is embarrassing for you and puts the person on the spot. It means they can only take you up on the offer or turn you down, and if you’ve caught them on the hop they may knock you back without really meaning to – simply to get out of an awkward moment.
  • Abandon all chat up lines
    You may think it sounds big and clever, but more often than not a chat up line is likely to leave that person feeling small. Stuff like ‘Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?” may be funny-ish on paper, but in the real world it’s liable to earn you a short response and possibly a drink in the face. In the end, a chat up line doesn’t reflect your personality or show you’re genuinely interested in that person. If anything, it suggests you’re in love with yourself and your own dull wit.
  • Be a friend first, not a potential date
    If you’re keen on this person, and you want them to know, the key is to relax and just be yourself. There’s no need to be a smart-arse or make them laugh out loud. You just need to be good company because the more comfortable they feel the easier it is to suss if there’s a spark between you. In short, forget the pick up lines and go in with a good question instead. Show an interest in their lives and they can only be flattered.
  • Read the situation
    If you’ve hung out for a while, and all the signs suggest they share your feelings, then you either won’t be able to keep your hands off each other or you’ll be able to suggest meeting up for an evening out, knowing that’s exactly what they want too! And if that vibe just isn’t happening then at the very least you’ll have made a good friend.

Next Steps

  • Chat about this subject on our Discussion Boards.
  • Need help but confused where to go locally? Download our StepFinder iPhone app to find local support services quickly.


Updated on 29-Sep-2015