Asking someone out

It may look sweet and romantic in films, but in real life it’s often way more nerve-racking. The idea of asking someone out on a date can make even the most confident people feel uncomfortable. So, what’s the best way to ask someone out? Read The Mix's shame-free guide to asking for a date to find out.

A young woman is sitting at her laptop. She is thinking of asking someone out. This is a wide-angle image.

What’s stopping you from asking someone out?

So you really fancy someone, and you wanna know if they share your feelings. The best way to find out is by going on a date. The trouble is that by asking them out you’re making yourself super vulnerable. And if things don’t go your way, you might end up making plans to flee the country and assume a new identity.

But if you don’t make a move they might never know how you feel. Or else, another person might take the plunge and get in first. And you know you’ll kick yourself if that happens. So the question still remains – To ask or not to ask? 

What’s the best way to ask someone out?

The prospect of asking someone out is enough to make your stomach scramble. That’s perfectly natural. Let’s face it – nobody actually enjoys putting themselves out there, where nothing is certain. So is there a way to win a date without putting yourself through the hideous experience of waiting for a ‘yes’ or ‘no’?

Forget about saying ‘will you go out with me?’

When asking someone out, any kind of direct question like this puts the person on the spot. It means they can only take you up on the offer or turn you down. Honestly, that whole situation can feel uncomfortable for both parties involved. Rather than just coming straight out with it, test the waters first. Start with some small talk and then suggest a vague plan and see how they react. Then proceed from there. 

It also helps if you do all of this in real life rather than over text, that way you can get a better reading of their body language. Not to mention eye contact helps massively to see if there’s an initial spark between you guys.

Abandon all chat up lines

What’s the best way to ask someone out? It sure as hell isn’t chat-up lines, we’ll tell you that much for free. 

You may think it sounds big and clever to ask a person if they’re from Tennessee, but more often than not it’s the wrong move. A chat up line is likely to leave that person feeling small. They can even come across as disrespectful and even intimidating in some cases. In the end, a generic chat-up line doesn’t reflect your personality or show you’re genuinely interested in someone . All that they convey is that you have a pretty poor sense of humour.

To find out more about cheesy chat-up lines in all their corniness, click here

Be a friend first, not a potential date

If you’re keen on this person, and you want them to know, the key is to relax and just be yourself around them. You just need to be good company to be around. That way they like you for you and actually want to hang out together. Plus the more comfortable they feel the easier it is to suss out if there’s a spark between you.

In short, forget the pick up lines and go in with a good question instead, make gentle eye contact and deploy some body language signals to put them at ease around you. Show an interest in their lives and you can’t go wrong. Our article ‘is it a date or just hanging out’, also has some tips on the right signals to give.

Read the room

If you’ve hung out for a while, and all the signs suggest they share your feelings, then go for it! You either won’t be able to keep your hands off each other or you’ll be able to suggest meeting for coffee or an evening out, knowing that’s exactly what they want too! And if it just isn’t happening then at the very least you’ll have gotten to know someone new, even if you end up deleting their phone number two seconds after the date. 

Got some tips for asking someone out you’d like to share? Head over to our discussion boards.

Next Steps

By Nishika Melwani

Updated on 14-Dec-2021