Giving him good head
What's the secret to giving and receiving great head? Here's what you can do for the man in your life, making sure a blowjob is good for you both.
Blowjob advice for the blowjob-giver:
- Blow his mind
If you’re happy to go down, don’t lose sight of what’s going on upstairs in his head. Frankly, you’re tugging at his brains down there, so you need to pick up on every moan or groan he gives. The better you understand each other, however, the more comfortable you’ll feel.
- Take control
Many people gag at the idea of going down on a dick. Even if it’s clean as a whistle, there’s always the fear he’ll forget himself, leaving you to deal with an out of control organ with no apparent off-switch. The Mix suggests you grip his penis head as you approach it, and hold it there in a ring formed by your thumb and forefinger. Once he’s in, feel free to place your hands around the penis shaft. This gives you control, allowing you to determine how much you want to take into your mouth.
- Use your mouth
What goes on when you’re down there is entirely up to you. Some women use their mouth as if it were a hoover. Others employ their tongue to great effect. Many do a combination of both. Just be aware that there is no industry standard. Do whatever feels comfortable, and gives you both the greatest satisfaction. Kissing. Nibbling. Even humming a note with his head in your mouth. Whatever you do, he won’t complain!
- Take a breather
Giving head is not an endurance test. You are doing it to him, and not the other way round, so if you want to come up for air then do so. If anything, it’ll give him time out to appreciate what you’re doing.
- Ball control
If the male penis is a motor, his balls are the gear shift. Gently cupping his testicles will widen the area of sexual pleasure for him, and can even intensify his orgasm.
- Ultimate control!
Even if he’s reached the moment of no return, never feel obliged to let him climax in your mouth. It’s your decision, and is entirely determined by how comfortable you feel with it. If you want to swallow, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too. If you’d rather take his penis out of your mouth then the same sentiment applies. Whether you choose to go down for a second or so, a minute or more, or all the way to the end, no blowjob is ever incomplete. Nor is it a compulsory act, and he shouldn’t think any less of you if you choose to keep your head held high!
Blowjob advice for blowjob-receiver:
- Keep it clean
Anyone who’s gone down on an uncircumcised penis will tell you that there’s nothing worse in this world than an unwashed dick. Smegma bacillus, or knob cheese, is a waxy white deposit naturally secreted by the penis glands. Failure to wash underneath the foreskin can lead to smelly bacterial growth, not to mention serious problems securing a blow job. Keep it clean using unperfumed soap and water. Also be sure to dry the head thoroughly afterwards to prevent bacteria from thriving.
- Don’t force the issue
So you’re sharing an intimate moment. You’re both turned on like the National Grid, and sex is on the cards. So guys, don’t ruin the moment by placing your palm on the crown of her head and slowly pressing. If she feels comfortable going down there, she’ll venture south on her own accord. As so many women have told us, there’s nothing worse than a bloke who expects a blowjob.
- Be fair
If your partner does feel comfortable with oral sex, then consider returning the gesture – male or female. The more you share, the more rewarding it’ll be for you both.
- Praise the performance
Tempting as it is to lie back with your eyes squeezed tightly shut, your partner will appreciate some recognition for their efforts. Be encouraging. Be respectful. Be the one who leaves them feeling as good as you.
- Leave them to call the shots
Just because your partner has consented to give you a blowjob, don’t assume it means they want to go all the way. It may be a dream come true for you, but not if it leaves them gagging or nauseous. So talk it through with them, even if it is a running commentary. If you’re about to ejaculate then tell them, or at least signal that it’s about to happen. Always let your partner decide whether to stay down there for the main event.
Oral sex safety
Remember, it’s not just penetrative sex that transfers STIs. You can catch chlamydia, herpes, syphilis and gonorrhoea from having unprotected oral sex. The HPV virus, which can cause warts and (though rarely) cancer, can also be caught from having oral sex. Make sure you’re protected and practice safe oral sex by using a condom or dental dam.
Photo of boy in bed by Shutterstock
Updated on 29-Sep-2015
Exploring your sexuality? Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline offer their expert advice
Switchboard, LGBT+ Helpline give us their advice on ...
How can you tell if you’re in an abusive relationship?
We spoke to Solace Women's Aid about spotting domestic ...
Is sexting illegal?
What is sexting and how safe is it? We spoke to Ellie ...
Usualising intersex – I don’t need normalising
Anick shares his experience of coming out as intersex.
Disability and sexual confidence
Having a disability doesn't mean you can't have a great ...