How to make sex better

Having better sex isn't all about awkward meetings with sex therapists. In fact, you might not even have to visit one. Just have the guts to go for it and laugh it off when it all goes wrong. But that's not the only tip we have. The Mix talks you through more ways to keep your sex life interesting.

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Consent is essential

Remember, sex is a shared experience, so mutual consent is essential for ANY experimentation. If you suggest something new to your partner, make sure they seem enthusiastic before you go forward. If they say “I’m not sure,” or say yes, but make an uncomfortable face, then you should stop. No one should ever feel bullied or pressured into doing anything they’re not comfortable with. To help you out, read our guide to enthusiastic consent here and our article on how to say no to sex here.

If you’ve got the green light and you’re both game, there’s no need to see sex therapists. We have a few ideas for how to have better sex right here — whoever you’re doing it with.

How to make sex better for someone with a penis

How to have better sex? Well, nothing quite hits the spot like a good blowjob or hand job, but have you tried…

  • Really taking your time? Sounds basic, but slowly kissing their chest, sucking their nipples, running your finger down their chest and even breathing over the tip of their penis can work wonders. It’ll make the experience much hotter than simply getting on with it.
  • Playing with their balls? They like being fondled, licked and sucked. When it comes to fondling, some like it rough, others prefer a gentle approach, so it’s safest to ask how they like it first. If you’re going in with your tongue, lick with long sweeping strokes and intermittently purse your lips and suck softly on the skin. You could even take each testicle all the way into your mouth and suck gently (as a bonus, you’ll send them to infinity and beyond if you simultaneously give them a hand job.)
  • Using your tongue to lick the vertical line in the middle of their scrotal sac? You’ll get no complaints if you flick it with your tongue, too.
  • Gently rubbing their perineum a.k.a the nerve-packed patch of skin that is between their scrotum and their anus. Extra tip: use lube.
  • Inserting a finger into their anus and tickling their penis while you’re giving them a blowjob? Could be heavenly Warning: you should definitely ask before attempting this ‘surprise’ – it feels great for some, weird for others.
  • For more advice, read our tips on how to give the best blowjob here.

How to make sex better for someone with a vagina

Vaginas can be a bit more complicated. But getting your partner totally relaxed first will help. Have you tried…

  • Taking the time to discover their erogenous zones? Being really turned on starts with tapping into these. It could be behind their ears, on their neck, the base of their spine or the back of their knees. Don’t be afraid to ask them where they like to be kissed.
  • Running your finger along the edge of their knickers first? The anticipation will drive them wild – although it could also drive them mad if you do it for too long. It’s all about finding that sweet spot.
  • Inserting a finger in their vagina during oral sex? Double points if you can find their G-spot. If you want to prep beforehand, here’s our guide for how to go down on a girl.
  • Touching their clitoris during sex? Reaching orgasm through penetration alone is rare. So if you’re in a position where you can reach the clitoris that can change the game. The best positions for this include: doggy position and woman on top.

Sex tips for both partners

The bum hole: A cum button for some, a no-go zone for others. So before you go there make sure you: a) ask if it’s OK first, b) have lube to hand, and c) take it slowly.

What you can do: Using plenty of lube, massage the anus gently with your finger (or tongue using a dental dam) in round circular motions at first to gauge the response. If all the signs are good, add a bit more pressure before SLOWLY slipping the tip of your finger inside.

Toys: Whipping out a toy at the right moment can be exciting for both of you. But again, not everyone appreciates a helping hand from a gadget. So before you pull out your three-way multiple orgasm machine, you might want to mention it first. For some shopping advice, read our guide to fun sex toys here.

What you can do: Pretty much anything! You can use it to stimulate the clitoris, nipples, the anus (as long as it’s comfortable), and penetrate the vagina. If you want to add to the potential for satisfying sex, use a scarf to blindfold or tie your partner up before introducing your toy. Just be sure not to stretch out their pelvic floor muscles too much!

Next Steps

  • Chat about this subject on our Discussion Boards.
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sex tips

By Nishika Melwani

Updated on 23-Dec-2021